Crystal Glass Refuge
by Jynova
Summary: Suzaku Kururugi finds himself in a new and exciting relationship with his bestfriend/lovers' sister, Euphy. How much emotional turmoil can Lelouch handle before their relationship becomes irreparable? Emotional abuser/victim/trigger warning. Suzaku x Lelouch. Rated M.
I've always been fascinated by the whole abuser/victim relationship. I think that it is slightly mirrored in Code Geass. It actually works both ways, both Lelouch and Suzaku switch out of and occupy the opposite roles of abuser/victim quite often throughout the series. HOWEVER, I do find that Lelouch embodies the victim more often than Suzaku does. So that was my motivation in writing this. Lelouch will be battered emotionally and you may come to vehemently hate Suzaku … but hopefully retribution will be sweet. Also, I wrote this in one foul swoop and really didn't feel like proof reading it so sorry for grammatical and syntactic errors. I will post an epilogue.

* * *

~ 5 years old

Lelouch was a lonely child. He was the 11th successor to the Holy Britannian Empire. That should be enough information as to why he was a lonely child. His siblings were always locked in a constant power struggle. Lelouch was closest to his true/full sister Nunnally however, she was shy and mostly kept to herself, something Lelouch very much appreciated.

Suzaku Kururugi was a rambunctious child. He was the child of a foreign family that had emigrated from Japan in hopes of finding a better life. Their family wasn't overtly rich or influential but they did own a shrine in Japan and Suzaku grew up under martial arts practitioners that he fervently attempted to continue in this foreign place, something he could hold on to his homeland, something to anchor him in this strange land, something to occupy his mind for the time being, something to help alleviate his physical stress. Because when they moved, he was thrust into a foreign land, with no one but his very busy mother and father.

Suzaku and Lelouch first met at a public park. One family was there to christen the park and one family was there to serve traditional Japanese cuisine and when Lelouch's mother took a liking to the food, both boys were forced to play together during the frequent catering events. They hated each other at first. Hate slowly turned to tolerance. Tolerance turned rather quickly turned to like. Like practically rushed into love.

Two lost boys found refuge in one another.

* * *

~5 years old

Two kids are running up a hill. Well, one child is running, the other is struggling considerably to keep up.

"Come On Lelouch! Hurry up! We still have to roll back down the hill!" A rambunctious young brunette, dressed in traditional Japanese white and black hakama yells back to the midnight-black haired boy lagging significantly behind him.

"S….*phew* shut-up… I'm…ha.. going as fast… as I can and… I am NOT rolling down this god forsaken mountain of death… hoo… not brute like you… grass stains and the like…"

"Wow Lelouch, you're so out of breath you can't even ardmonish me! Hey! I used a fancy word like you teached me! Do I get a tweat?"

"Ugh… too much to correct… too tired. But… Yes, Suzaku, you get a treat, so let's go back so I can give it to you"

"Nu uhn! For my tw..w..reat I want you to roll down the death hill with me!" Lelouch _admonished_ himself for not predicting that outcome.

"Yes well… it seems with my imminent death, you will have no problem rolling my corpse down the _mountain_ …" Lelouch let his mind wander to whether his parents and the help would reprimand Suzaku more for showing up with a dead Lelouch or a dirty Lelouch… when suddenly…

*SWOOP* Without even looking up to see where exactly the bounding green-eyed monster was on the death _mountain_ , Lelouch suddenly found himself jostled onto the back of his best friend.

"Lelouch, don't talk like that… I always protect you…! I'm you're knight! I won't let you suffer or die…! Well… I won't let you suffer much!" Suzaku and Lelouch laughed and talked the rest of the way up the _mound_ of death with Lelouch getting a piggyback from his best friend and knight.

* * *

~7 years old

"mmm! Lelouch, these sandwiches are AMAZING! Did you make them?" Suzaku and Lelouch sat on a picnic blanket on a plateau about halfway up death mound.

"I did… I used cucumber"

"You remembered! Oh Lelouch! You're going to make the BEST WIFE EVER!"

*SPURT* "Wh…WHA?! Stop with that nonsense! Must you ALWAYS ruin our outings with that incessant jibber jabber?" Lelouch couldn't help the blush dawning his skin, due to his best friend's garishly loud comment.

"Jibber jabber, jibber jabber, jibber jabber… hrm, I thought it would be hard to say it fast like that toy boat tongue twister!" Suzaku smiled at the blush, he always derived pleasure from being able to change friends complexion so easily. 'Like a mood ring' he once likened it to, which in then went on to qualify 'helps, because usually I never know what you're thinking or feeling' and when he had said that, it drew another blush from Lelouch and the cycle started all over again.

"Toy… boat?" Lelouch was genuinely curious, he liked riddles and puzzles but this seemed a bit juvenile to him, tongue twisters? Ridiculous.

"Yea! I learned it from your sister Euphy! Try to say it fast 10 times, toy boat toy boat… like that!"

"Please, that's ridiculous, I won't debase myself by repeating such a mundane phrase like some parrot"

"Mundane…? Just, shut-up and do it, or I'll make you do extra chores when we're married!"

"Suzaku! Hush…! If I say it, will you PLEASE stop with that married nonsense?" 'Well, enunciation is important… plus if it'll get him to stay of THAT topic…'

"Mmmhmmm, promise!" Suzaku's smile laser beamed and Lelouch's own lips involuntarily started creeping up themselves at the sight. They always did.

"Fine… toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boyt boy toy" Lelouch stopped, looking dumb founded at how quickly he had gone off the rails.

"hahaha! You say toy boyt and then boy toy! Ooo, Lelouch, can I be your boy toy? I heard your older brother Schneizel call his friend Kanon that! We can be each others BOY TOYS" Suzaku's innocent emerald eyes arched up in a pleading fashion.

"Uhm… well, it's not as if you don't have ENOUGH toys but, OK sure!"

"yay! Boy toys and husband and wife!"

"hey! I thought we had a DEAL with that!"

"Yea but… you didn't specify how long I had to abstain… hey I used another word you taught me, can I get a peck on the cheek?"

*sigh* "Fine…" Lelouch wasn't as reluctant to yield for three very good reasons, one he was impressed that the emerald eyed-boy was able to find a loophole in his proposed idea, two, he DID use one of the words Lelouch taught him, and three… he quite enjoyed kissing the young Japanese boys cheek.

~10 years old

"Lelouch… did you know that Shirley likes likes you?" Suzaku had pinned Lelouch in the hallway after eavesdropping onto a particularly raunchy and very personal "girl-drama-cubed-meet" taking place outside the girls bathroom between their mutual classmates and friends Milly, Shirley, and Nina.

"I had heard…" Lelouch answered, looking completely and totally disinterested in the topic and the heated angry eyes of his best friend.

"Well… you should tell her to back off… you're… you know, taken." Suzaku eased his grip on his friends arms a bit, while averting his gaze when he whispered the last few words.

"Suzaku… enough, yes, I'm taken but it's not something that needs to be public knowledge, and you know I have no interest in… Shirley, was it?" And it genuinely WAS difficult for Lelouch to remember which female was now being purported to "like like" him. He apparently, through absolutely NO fault of his own, had been deemed a heart-throb. He often times wondered how his anti-social behavior drew such attention. 'It's against all social norms that I've read about or experienced so far… damn backwards ass women' He found he truly didn't understand women. It was why he took such joy in the simple anger that bled through Suzaku, when Suzaku was angry, Lelouch knew, shit… everyone knew. People across the ocean probably knew.

"Well then… can I just kick her?" Suzaku's anger slowly faded to curiosity and amusement at the thought.

"Hrm, if I said yes, would you really?" Lelouch couldn't help but partake in the amusement.

"No… but if you ordered me as your knight, I wouldn't have to battle my stupid conscience and I could kick her all day long" Suzaku tilted his head to the side.

"haha, Suzaku! How interesting for you to already relinquish any personal responsibility at commands from authority… that could bode very poorly for you later in life! A bad quality… one you should most definitely analyze and attempt to rectify" Suzaku quite loved how Lelouch always tried to make him a better man and he always tried his level best to do so for the benefit of being Lelouch's future husband and knight.

"Yes, my prince" Both boys, stained red in the face, smiled at each other.

* * *

~13 years old

"Ohh… Lelouch… your skin tastes so good"

"Ew Suzaku… my skin tastes good? You sound like a cannibal or like you're eating chicken or something!"

"Great… way to ruin the mood!"

* * *

~14 years old

Lelouch and Suzaku had been getting progressively more intimate for the last year or so. After finding that they both much rather enjoyed each others company over girls, they decided to try some innocent experimentation. They shared their first kiss on the veranda of the east garden of the palace gardens at the nascent age of 12 and 13, Suzaku occupying the younger age but only by 7 months. At the age of 13, they had progressed to heavy making-out and above the waist exploration, with their hands and mouths however, both boys still sought release separately in the privacy of their rooms. Lelouch always forced himself to ignore the fact that it was Suzaku who usually curtailed their trysts from progressing to below-the-belt because it was just so uncharacteristic of the boy and also because, it was something that Lelouch didn't want to dwell on and Lelouch was the 11th successor to the throne of Britannia, so if he didn't want to dwell on something, he wouldn't. Also, Suzaku had recently asked him to be his boyfriend, so everything was perfect… it had to be, that was proof enough of that.

Currently, they were under one of the gazebos in the south garden of the Britannia Palace. Both boys had just finished a little after-dinner walk and after some excessive effort by Lelouch, they had finally departed from Euphy's company, who had insisted to walk with them and Suzaku was, to Lelouch's chagrin, much too happy to oblige. Well, what's over was over, he was now alone with his boy toy (they had both since learned the real definition and… well, let's just say after some hardcore giggling, both had ended up with lusty eyes piercing gazes at each other).

"mmm… Suzaku…" Lelouch had assumed a straddling position on his boyfriend, bucking his hips every few minutes, drawing out a sexy moan and fluttering emerald eyes.

"ohh, Lelouch… you taste so good" Lelouch smiled at the comment, reflecting on how his Suzaku had learned his likes and dislikes and fervently adhered to them. Although… this (sexy sexy stuff) was pretty damn good incentive.

Lelouch tilted his head to the side, giving free range of his neck to the all too eager brunette to nibble and lick, and suck shy enough not to leave marks.

"mmm, baby, right there, that feels soo good" Suzaku had latched onto Lelouch earlobe, a heavily erogenous zone for the raven-haired beauty.

"Yea…? You like that, don't you…?"

"mmm, you know I do…" Lelouch's hands traveled up Suzakus shirt and teased his nipples.

"haa" Suzakus breath staggered as he inhaled at the sensation. And Lelouch took Suzakus hardness, and his increased breathing rate and his practically glazed over eyes as encouragement for his next move. Lelouch as gracefully as a prince would do (which was VERY) slid down to his knees, while maintaining eye contact and a lusty grin, and undid Suzakus pants. Granted both boys were intelligent, one far more than the other, but at that point in time, neither of their minds could formulate or articulate words. So, as much as Lelouch wanted verbal approval, all he could fathom to do was nod questioning-like, head tilted to the side. And he received tacit approval back with the same head nod mirrored back at him. His smirk grew to a wide grin and he took Suzaku's erection out and fully into his mouth.

"Ohhh hrrmmmpppphhhhh" The concept of language was now as foreign to Suzaku as colors to a blind person. Lelouch took every moan and groan, using it as fuel to suck and swallow as much of Suzakus length as he could handle.

It didn't take long for Suzaku to peak and clench his hands in the jet black hair, which was made shapely by the moons glinting off it everytime Lelouch's head moved up and down Suzakus cock. Suzaku couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sight. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and experienced.

It would be another three days before he returned the favor in the princes bed in his private chambers. After he had, Lelouch couldn't help but remind Suzaku

"When you're my knight… you'll be in and out of here so often… mmm, just imagine… I'm getting hard again thinking about it." The comment was met with a bright smile, an eager head nod, and… blank emerald eyes. But that was ok to Lelouch because he rationalized that Suzaku was a simple minded idiot, which he often teased the boy of being anyways, so absent eyes didn't mean much.

* * *

~14 years old

"Hey Lelouch, I was thinking about what you were saying the other night, about when I'm going to be your knight and the… access I'll have to your… bed… ahem… quarters and I was just curious about our public status with your family and the like"

"Well Suzaku… honestly, Schneizel has publicly claimed his knight as his lover but… I'm just not comfortable with that level of openness with my family. My personal life, let alone my LOVE LIFE, is hardly their business and I would very much like to keep it that way…" Lelouch looked over hesitantly to his boyfriend, who had been ostentatiously outspoken about their relationship from a young age and was surprised to be met with acceptance.

"B..but… you…you're ok with that, right Suzaku?" Lelouch was hoping and at the same time dreading that he could still read Suzaku. It was surreal to be met with such a level of placation on a subject that Lelouch had always figured Suzaku to be adamantly against. But maybe the boy had just grown, personal growth, maturity. And that make Lelouch happy, very happy because maybe his boyfriend had just accepted it to make him happy and anybody who would do that was just plain amazing.

* * *

~14 ½ years old

"Hey Suzaku…! I know you and Lelouch are probably going for your nightly walk tonight and Lelouch always gets so angry when I interfere on your guy-time, so I think this time… would it be ok if I joined you afterwards? When you get back?"

"Yea Euphy sure, but I don't know how enthused Lelouch will be to go on another walk, you know, with his trademark lack of stamina…!" Suzaku let out an innocent chuckle, drawing a bright smile from Lelouch's pink-haired beautiful half-sister. She tilted her head and spoke

"Oh… ha, yea, of course… well, then, taking into consideration Lelouch's trademark lack of stamina and the fact that I wasn't planning for him to come the first place, let's meet at the east garden fountain at around midnight?"

"Uhmmm… isn't that really late Euph? If you need to talk to me about something, I can make time for you at a more reasonable hour, I can always make time for you Euphy…!" Suzaku genuinely meant it. He liked Euphy, she was always such a sweetheart to him and in all honesty, was the first person to conflict him about a few things. His sexual preference, his love and dedication towards a certain prince, and what was expected of him in his life. Even though Suzaku wasn't from an affluent family, his upbringing had been very traditionally Japanese. They were strict when it came to traditional gender roles. His mother and father always goaded him about finding a nice royal wife, considering his close affiliation with the royal family.

"I know Suzaku… midnight, ok?" Euphy's eyes gleamed with a sort of desire that reminded Suzaku of Lelouch's eyes when he talked about Suzaku being his knight. He found he liked seeing her eyes like that, a lot. Granted they hadn't won 'best eyes' in the yearbook every year since kindergarten like another violet-eyed boy he was so fond of, but they were captivating in their own way, a new and exciting way.

"Y..yeah, ok, midnight"

And that night Euphy kissed him, and the foreign lips and body were new and exciting again and Suzaku kissed back.

That night was the start of Suzaku's double-life. Something so against Suzaku's character that the stress would often times cause him to be physically ill.

* * *

~15 years old

Suzaku and Lelouch were having sex… regularly and Suzaku found that he needed the stress relief, so he would take as much sex as he could get, from both siblings. He genuinely hated cheating on Lelouch? Or Euphy? But the thought of leaving either one gave him panic attacks, which coupled with his already visceral reactions to his situation, were an extremely unwelcome feeling that he found needed to be avoided at all costs, so the result? Don't think about it. He was, after all, a simple minded idiot, so it wasn't too hard for him to get caught up in whatever prince or princess he was with at the moment. It took some carefully thought out and planned ideas to convince Euphy to keep their relationship a secret, however, Suzaku found that all his planning ended up being for naught since the girl loved him so much, she would have agreed that the earth was flat if he told her. He found her love for him endearing, he had never seen that amount of love.

* * *

~15 and 16 years old

Lelouch wasn't blind, mute, deaf, or handicapped, mentally or physically. You don't hang around a person for your entire life and not notice when something is off. At first he pegged it on hormones and puberty, especially since the sex was still so good, but whatever was going on with Suzaku was deeper than some superficial reasoning and he needed to know. He had broached the topic with the brunette but was met with stupefied ignorance. 'Typical'

"Mmmmm… Suzaku, that was amazing!" Lelouch laced his fingers in and out of the brown curled locks as they lay naked on the bed, intertwined at the legs with Suzakus head resting on Lelouch's chest.

"It really was babe…! You're so amazing, perfection" Suzaku looked up into those piercing amethyst eyes and smiled at the affection in them.

"Hrmm… I could stay here forever…"

"No, Suzaku… stop, you always say that before you pack up and leave, if you could stay here forever, then fucking stay here at least even a fraction of that and stay the night or even a few hours, don't leave me like I'm a cheap booty-call, haha"

"haha, Lelouch, I adore you, you know that"

"Suzaku…"

"Yes…?"

"I… I love you" and in that moment Suzaku forgot everything, forgot Euphy, what was expected of him in life, his guilt and remorse, his exciting and new love interest, and just let himself drown in everything Lelouch. Lelouch's scent and his beautiful soft skin and the affection he showered with such alacrity, and those eyes, those wonderfully amazing eyes, and… those words and before he knew it, Suzaku answered

"Oh Lelouch, I love you too… so much, so so much"

"then… stay?"

"Of course my love" They had sex three more times that night and every time, Suzaku felt pure bliss.

But then the honeymoon phase ended and after three nights, Suzaku 'wished he could stay forever' again…

On that third night however, Suzaku accidentally left his jacket and it was cold and raining outside. Lelouch threw his robe on, grabbed the forgotten jacket, and ran down the hall, only to see Suzaku going towards the west-wing of the palace…? 'Maybe he's hungry and wants to grab a snack? Probably something innocent… probably' and Lelouch hated himself a little for tailing his boyfriend like a spy in the dark of the night and he hated himself A LOT more when he saw Suzaku go into Euphys room. But that didn't make sense, why should he hate himself more for finding out the truth about his cheating boyfriend? Was Lelouch the TYPE to want to live in blissful ignorance? But this was Suzaku. He loved Suzaku, his Suzaku, his first love, the love of his life. Lelouch stayed paralyzed at the door while his head spun, his stomach churned, his body shook like a 9.0 earthquake, he almost thought he was having a seizure until one phrase brought his body to a screeching halt.

"Ohhh GOD EUPHY, I LOVE YOU"

Lelouch ran back to his room. Out of all the feelings that Lelouch figured he would have felt at the revelation of Suzaku cheating, he never thought it would be anger. and not even anger at Suzaku, who every atom in his body and mind told him was the culprit and deserved every ounce of his anger, but he felt anger at Euphy, that home-wrecking whore.

In the broad-scope of it all though, it kind of made sense, Lelouch was a prince. A beautiful and highly intelligent prince. He was doted on and spoiled and cherished by the few he let close to him but mostly, he was highly desirable and he knew it. He knew that if it came down to it and he wanted something, he would get it, and Suzaku was his. Lelouch let his possessiveness consume him. Because if one emotion trumped the rest, then the rest were inherently muted, and he needed that. He couldn't BEAR not having Suzaku so he let his mind plan and plot and the overwhelming tactics he would employ and the strategies he would exact took up so much of his thought processes that it left little else to dwell on, like the possibility of Suzaku actually leaving Lelouch for Euphy or that he actually loved Euphy more or that… or that… or that… no… god forbid it, God FORBID IT… that Suzaku would choose to be her knight. IMPOSSIBLE.

The next night, Lelouch had sex with Suzaku 5 times, each time drawing out those three words without being prompted. Each time, Lelouch remembered Euphy and went back to devouring the boy next to him. In an almost animalistic way or marking ones territory. He wanted the brunette's pores to ooze his scent of sex and love. Love. He tried to mark Suzaku's neck multiple times that night but each time, the brunette would chuckle and utter some nonsense about Lelouch being frisky or eager or impatient and would trade the neck or chest or inner thigh for his mouth instead. Lelouch sighed and resigned himself to try other methods.

* * *

~16 years old

Things with Suzaku had become tense, on both boys side. Lelouch found it extremely difficult to maintain his tactics without becoming obviously clingy. Lelouch tried his HARDEST to convince Suzaku to publicize their relationship in a bid to drive Euphy off his man, but was met with a quick and rather demanding "no," for the same reasons Lelouch had stupidly previously enumerated. He tried to get the brunette to spend as much time with him as he could without arousing suspicion but he found that his passive-aggressive tendencies would muddle those interactions as well. He would make clandestine comments or quips against Euphy or about Suzakus surreptitious betrayal, alluding to, but never outwardly stating it and Suzaku, blessed Suzaku was a simple minded idiot, so he never caught on, and in fact, took a few of the anti-Euphy comments to heart and vehemently defended her, causing a rage so hot to burn within Lelouch that he had to excuse himself on multiple occasions so he could go break something. Everything was coming to a head. But if there was one thing that grounded Lelouch, it was the constant promise from Suzaku that Suzaku would be his knight. That thought, that promise was the lifeline thrown out to a drowning Lelouch, the anchor to the sea floor for a drifting Lelouch. Still, the situation was becoming increasingly unstable (along with Lelouch)… Lelouch just had to wait until he was 17… when Suzaku became his knight, he would monopolize the boys time, he would control where and when he went, and he would make it worth it for the emerald-eyed boy, he would make it so Suzaku NEVER regretted his decision, he would make it so Euphy was just a fleeting strand of hair on Lelouch's head.

* * *

~16 years old (2 weeks before knighthood)

Lelouch didn't know how they had gotten to this point. Maybe it was the fact that while in bed a few hours ago, Lelouch lost all control at the sight of the sight of a hickey on Suzaku and flew off the handle prompting Suzaku to finally confess. And to Suzakus credit, he had been completely honest (now) about his situation. His fathers desires for him, his own desires (for a family/children/wife), for his love for Euphy, for the lack of thought he gave to losing either one of them, the fact that his guilt gave him a biting ulcer. One topic that he carefully avoided, one topic that was the only one Lelouch wanted to hear though, was left un-spoken about. Lelouch was too scared to talk about it, he let his fear stunt any desire he might have had to confront the brunette about it. Why should he? Suzaku had over-zealously assured him that he would be his knight. Lelouch had made the boy promise more often than he would eat meals in a day, so he should be secure in that (should). Sure Suzaku had lied and betrayed him, but the excuses (yes, excuses dear readers) he gave Lelouch ALMOST made sense to Lelouch, or maybe he was just too in love to be blinded by them, but he didn't recognize that, because he was too in love to even allow THAT thought.

Suzaku didn't come to the palace but once in the upcoming two weeks before the knighting. And that once he did come, he came to Lelouchs room. Lelouch took it as a sign of Suzaku's love and endearing promise that he had been making since they were 5 years old… The thought that it was out of a sense of guilt for upcoming events didn't even enter his mind.

* * *

~17 years old

Lelouch was dressed in his royal purple dress with curtails and white frocked shirt (a favorite of Suzakus). He was gathered along with his sibling, Clovis, Nunnally, and the disgusting/dreaded/gross Euphemia Li Britannia. They were all to pick their knights on the same day, being all within 5 years of each other. Nunnally, Lelouch's full sister, was 15 years old and was Lelouch's beacon of light (closely followed by one Suzaku Kururugi), she was poised to pick a knight named Rolo, who was close to her in age but that's where their similarities ended. Rolo was highly adept as an assassin and quickly drew the attention of the Britannia family. To the IMMENSE RELIEF of Lelouch, Euphy was rumored to pick Kewell Soresi as her knight. He was a handsome, tall Britannian, with chiseled features and strong jaw line. Clovis's plan was to pick the "strongest looking bulk man" from the left-overs. Lelouch always liked Clovis. He wasn't closest to him by any means, but Clovis always strived to have an active role in Lelouch's life. Clovis was actually the only one who knew of Suzaku and Lelouch's relationship, finding out after accidentally walking in on a rather steamy blow-job both boys were enjoying. While hoping the near-by fountain would drown out any sounds, their hormone fueled heads neglected to realize that other sounds like people walking up would also be drowned out. But Lelouch always thanked his lucky stars it was Clovis, actually, he rather wished it was Euphemia but Clovis was a close second. After profusely apologizing for intruding, which was amusing to Lelouch and terrifying to Suzaku (who demanded Lelouch make Clovis keep his mouth shut and Lelouch again rationalized a way to acquiesce to his lover), Clovis ended up being pretty damn accepting of their relationship, really trying to be there for Lelouch, even though Lelouch didn't really divulge the indiscretions because no matter how mad he was, he still loved Suzaku enough that he didn't want to debunk his reputation to anyone.

"I choose Rolo Haiburton"

"Will you, Rolo Haiburton, choose to forsake your own personal desires and wishes to instead yield to your princess Nunnally Vi Britannia. Do you forsake your own life in the service and protection of Princess Nunally until the day of your departure from this life?"

"Yes, I do" Nunally smiled at her new knight, who, according to tradition, was to stay completely stoic throughout the ceremony.

"I do dub thee, Rolo Haliburton, knight of Nunnally Vi Britannia" Lelouch couldn't help but smile at his sisters happiness as she receded back to her place at the long (bridal style) table, where luckily Lelouch had been seated next to Clovis on the right of Charles Zi Britannia (the reigning emperor of Britannia) and with his other brothers Schneizel and Odysseus, where as Euphemia was sitting on the left hand side, along with their other sisters Nunnally, Guinevere, and Cornelia. Lelouch was sitting on the end of the table, there was considerable space between each individual, almost 3 feet, except that the all-too-clingy and bored Clovis had scooted his chair closer to Lelouch in order to emphatically talk to Lelouch about how exciting this day was amongst other things. Lelouch was too enthralled with watching a certain individual, decked out in the most beautiful white outfit he had ever seen, standing in a line of maybe 15 other, faceless (to Lelouch) individuals.

EUPHEMIA LI BRITANNIA. PLEASE DO DUB A KNIGHT FOR THYSELF.

Lelouch stiffened at the announcement, drawing Clovis's attention to him.

"Lelouch, are you ok?" Lelouch was too involved to attend to Clovis.

Kewell was standing 3 individuals to the right of Suzaku Kururugi, Euphy would have to go right past him to Kewell Soresi. Lelouch watched her walking, in all her calm grace, down the line with the escorts carrying a broadsword on a velvet embroidered cushion. Lelouch breathed out a sigh of relief as Euphy went almost past Suzaku. Almost… she stopped, far too SHORT, KEEP GOING Lelouch wanted to scream. Instead, his body and mind failed him.

"I choose Kururugi Suzaku"

Lelouch started shaking again. Clovis figured it out immediately. "Lelouch! What? What is going on? I… I"

Lelouch couldn't hear anything Clovis was saying, Clovis moved his hand to try to get the attention of the boy who was clearly about to crumble in front of the entire royal family. And when he did, Lelouch grabbed onto Clovis's sleeve, gripping it like a vice as the words came out from the escort and Clovis leaned close repeating un-heard platitudes about how Suzaku would never accept and she would have to choose again and everything he said fell on deaf ears…

"Will you, Suzaku Kururugi, choose to forsake your own personal desires and wishes to instead yield to your princess Euphemia. Do you forsake your own life in the service and protection of Princess Euphemia Li Britannia until the day of your departure from this life?"

"Yes, I do"

Lelouch broke. He shattered. The dubbing hadn't started to take place but Clovis could see and feel the trembling… no the shaking, of Lelouch's clasped hand on his sleeve.

"C…clovis…cc..clovis….g..ggg….ggeett me outta here, get me out of here" Lelouch started having a full fledged panic attack and Clovis realized his brother was moments away from bursting into tears and crying out in grief and anger and remorse and god knows what else.

"Lelouch, LELOUCH! LOOK AT ME" Clovis demanded in hushed tones, while tugging at his own sleeve with Lelouch's hand attached, which hadn't yielded its jaws of life grip around his sleeve.

Lelouch couldn't tear his gaze away from the tableau in front of him, but he did release his hand. Clovis was shocked that there was any blood left in that hand for Lelouch to exact any control over the digits. Clovis immediately flew to the other side of Lelouch, directly in front of his totally freaking-out brother, blocking out any line of sight to the offending scene.

"Lelouch… stay here, 30 seconds, PULL IT TOGETHER, give me 30, 20 seconds, LELOUCH, PULL. IT. TOGETHER." then his brother put his hands on the sides of Lelouch's head and maybe because he wasn't being accosted by the sight anymore Lelouch calmed down (a bit…) Clovis took the opportunity to sprint to the Knight of One Jeremiah Gotwald hands vigorously pointing at the exit and mouth moving at lightening speed conveying something or another about a security threat. The next thing Lelouch remembered was absolute turmoil, people being escorted by other people, no doubt Euphy being escorted by her new knight, but Lelouch couldn't even comprehend, his mind was gone, the only thing that remained was a feeling of total and complete loss. He vaguely remembered being lead to his own room by Clovis, their hands intertwined, he vaguely remembered that somewhere along the halfway mark, he begged Clovis not to go back to his room… his room where he and Suzaku had spent… oh God. He vaguely remembered Clovis switching directions while letting forth a litany of curse words for the Japanese boy that Lelouch had loved? Loved still? Oh god. Lelouch was broken. And he in turn broke down, the most prideful, intelligent, up-kept prince, second to Schneizel, cried into his brother Clovis's chest all night. He stayed in Clovis's room for the next 5 days, forgoing the rescheduled knighting ceremony. Charles Zi Britannia, no doubt at Clovis's behest, afforded Lelouch the opportunity to pick a knight at the next knighting ceremony, taking place in the upcoming 2 years sometime.

Clovis didn't understand. He treated it like it was just another broken heart. Like a regular old break-up. He tried to cheer his brother up, tried to get his mind off of things, tried to get him to eat and look forward to the future. He didn't understand that Lelouch had just lost his soulmate. Clovis wasn't there those countless times they were kids and Suzaku would play save and legit save Lelouch and swear his allegiance as his one and only knight. Clovis wasn't there… but then, now that Lelouch thought about it, was Suzaku really even there…? Maybe he was when they were kids, but his Suzaku, was his Suzaku really there all those nights after Euphy, that he had promised him the same thing? Feigned promises. Fake. His Suzaku would never do that. Who was this imposter…? Or had his Suzaku changed and Lelouch hadn't noticed? Was Lelouch blinded…? By what? oh.. right… love. Fuck. Clovis didn't understand.

Suzaku hated every minute of it. He hated that he had lied to and betrayed Lelouch. Hated that he couldn't man up and tell Lelouch the truth prior to the incident. He hated his cowardice. Hated seeing Lelouch's reaction out of his periphery. Hated that he couldn't run up and comfort his prince that he so desperately wanted to just go and hug. After he was dubbed and the whole security threat was over, Suzaku went and promptly threw up and didn't stop throwing up for 2 days. After he stopped hurling, he went and asked Euphy to marry him because he literally had nothing else to lose (or so he thought).

* * *

~17 and 18 years old

Lelouch heard about the marriage through a television broadcast. He missed 2 days of school, opting to stay at home and cry instead.

He had been in Japan for the last ~8-ish months, at the prestigious Ashford Academy. Was it ironic that he ended up being in his ex-lovers homeland? Was he searching for something here…? He would rather not dwell on it. He busied himself, threw himself into extracurricular activities. Well, the non-athletic ones anyways. He was part of the chess club, president of it. Leagues ahead of any student or faculty really. There wasn't one person he came across in the whole of Japan who had yet beat him. He was also vice president of the Associated Student Council where he was hounded by the other members until he finally relented enough to call them (and consider them) friends. There was the garishly loud and full-bodied and quite stunning Milly Ashford (yes, her family owned and operated the academy). Then there was Rivalz, who took much pleasure in arranging chess gambling heists. He took more pleasure in the guaranteed 25% cut that he inevitably received. Then there was Shirley, yes… the same Shirley that "liked liked" him. Luckily though, she had been at the school a year prior to Lelouch so any thoughts of her pulling a "Felicity" and transferring to stalk him were all just paranoid ramblings. Although, with her ferocity, Lelouch did once consider that maybe she had been psychic or employed some form of witchcraft. Whatever the case, he still considered her crazy-self a friend because no matter how infatuated, she was loyal and loyalty was something that Lelouch desperately needed to be reminded existed in the world. Last was Nina, a reticent girl who Lelouch actually gravitated to, for two reasons, one, because she was a habitual hermit and two because she was gay.

* * *

Suzaku was a simple minded idiot. He knew it and for one reason too. A raven-haired, violet-eyed prince who would never let him forget it but would always qualify the statement with a compliment on something endearing about the brunette. Once it was his purity (what purity?) once it was his innocence (what innocence?) once it was his devotion (what devotion?) once it was his sexy body and gorgeous cock (….) Ok, maybe that last one was brought up more than once. Suzaku's simple mindedness made him an open receptacle for cliché's and corny phrases that he could call on when in certain situations. He wasn't one to diverge from the norm, he wasn't one to integrate wit and brevity into conversation, he knew someone like that once, someone who could make conversations light up (if that was even possible). But there were two clichés that Suzaku couldn't get out of his mind because he found them harder and harder to ignore, considering they were becoming more and more proven in his life. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and you don't know what you had until its gone. Both of them equally scratching away at his brain, enough to the point where he just had to seek his love out. He hadn't seen Lelouch around the Palace at all for the last 6 or so months. He figured it was just because the boy was strategically avoiding him and he didn't blame him. Suzaku purposefully avoided bringing Lelouch up with Euphy but now that he was getting married in a couple months, his heart was in all kinds of turmoil, but rather than consult his soon-to-be wife, he tried Clovis. Clovis knew him and Lelouch and the nature of their relationship, he would probably be the most receptive to Suzaku (he hoped). After pardoning himself from Euphy, Suzaku strode over to Clovis's door.

*Knock Knock*

"Who is it?"

"Kururugi Suzaku, your highness"

"Nope. If Euphy needs something, she can send someone else, one of her maids or shit… anyone else" Suzaku recoiled from the comment. He took a step back from the door a bit

"It's not regarding Euphy"

"Then definitely get the fuck out of here"

"Your highness, please, as a knight, as a high ranking officer in the royal hierarchy, as your sisters knight, as your sisters fiancé" the door opened

"As a lying, cheating, son of bitch?!" Clovis bit back, anger evident on every furrow on his brow. Suzaku swallowed at the sight. Oh god, if Clovis was this mad, how would Lelouch be?

"I… would just like to know the where-abouts of Lel"

"It's PRINCE Lelouch Vi Britannia to you, REMEMBER YOUR PLACE ELEVEN" Suzaku winced at the expletive and could feel the searing vitriol on every little mist of saliva that Clovis cast onto Suzakus face.

"Excuse me, Prince Lelouch Vi Britannia, I haven't been able to locate him for the past few months"

"Good. And I hope you never do. Stop looking. He's gone. Not even in this country anymore. And you won't find out where." Suzaku took few steps back from the surprise. Lelouch was gone? Out of the COUNTRY? He thought that the most, Lelouch was taking a brief break at one of their other villas around the country. He thought maybe Lelouch had gone to that little country-side Villa that he had taken Suzaku too once. Where they had rode horses through the orchard, ate the most delicious apples, made their own cider… Suzakus heart yearned for moment and that along with the shock must have been visible enough for Clovis to pick up on because before Suzaku could ask, nay, beg to know where Lelouch was, Clovis spoke up

"Kururugi Suzaku… You've made your bed. Now sleep in it." But… Suzaku didn't want to sleep in whatever bed he had made for himself or whatever bed Euphy had made for him, he wanted to sleep in whatever bed Lelouch was in.

"P..Plea" *SLAM*

Suzaku sighed, and slumped to the ground. Then he went to his fiancée.

"Euphy"

"Yes, dear…?"

"Uhm… So remember how I told you I had a falling out with Lelouch?" Suzaku was kind of sick of the lies so he decided rather than lie, he would just omit some of the truth of the matter and opted to tell Euphy that Lelouch had seriously wanted him as his knight and when he declined for Euphy, Lelouch and him had a falling out. What he neglected to mention was the epic betrayal, the promises since he was little, the…love…the sex…

"Yes, of course, how could I forget…? My brother is melo-dramatic. Leaving like that without telling anyone where he's going"

"Wait… you knew he left? And you don't know where?"

"Oh my… I figured he would have told YOU out of anyone, but yes, we all know he left however, only Clovis knows where he went, Clovis helped set him up and what not, if you're desperate to know, I would talk to him" Suzakus heart sank. Then, considering his morals and ethics and everything that Lelouch had so carefully helped try to cultivate had all splintered, he figured he had nothing to lose from spying on Clovis or his belongings to get his answer. That answer came in the form of a phone call. He was standing near Euphy while she dinned with her siblings in the dinner hall and a butler had come up and announced that Clovis had a phone call from Master Lelouch. It only took Suzaku a second to excuse himself from Euphy to go use the restroom. He tailed Clovis, happy that Clovis had also postponed getting a new knight. Suzaku's heart broke a bit thinking back on the knighting ceremony. He had to see Lelouch… had to apologize. Had to hug him, to smell him again, to…taste him, feel him inside and around him. It suddenly got hard for Suzaku to breathe and he had to steady himself up against Clovis door.

"Hey lil bro…! How are you? How's Japan treating you?" JAPAN? OH MY GOD. Suzaku felt a twinge of happiness at that. What did that mean? Out of all the places, why would Lelouch pick Suzaku's homeland?

"Oh yeah? You don't say…! Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it there so much…!" What little happiness Suzaku felt ebbed at that comment. Was Lelouch getting over him? Was he healing? And was it right for Suzaku to just go and destroy what little semblance of peace he'd found?

"Well, Ashford's known to crank out some of the finest future lawyers. Plus, Ashford's also known for cranking out some of the finest… looking individuals also…! Have you met anyone?" Ok, Suzaku didn't care now if he was going to destroy any peace or… anything that Lelouch may have built up… with anyone, romantically. What was WRONG with Suzaku, had he really taken Lelouch for granted that much?! How had he not remembered how utterly gorgeous the boy was. How had he forgotten how every girl practically threw their panties at him. How had he forgotten that out of all the tumult, that beautiful boy had picked him, loved him, cherished him, remained true to him… and he just threw it away. For what? He walked back to his room with the thoughts swirling around in his head, with that question pestering him… and he found the answer in the form of a soft-voice of his soon to be wife.

"Suzaku…! Sir Kururugi…! How do you like the ring of Euphemia Li Kururugi?"

"Hrm…? Oh it's… great" and in his mind he replaced Euphemia's name with Lelouch's… 'hrm… Lelouch Kururugi'… he smiled at the thought and Euphy totally misread it.

"I'm so glad I was able to cheer you up a bit! You've seemed down for the last few days and I didn't want to pile on but now that I've seen that beautiful smile again… and it's at the thought of me, how can I deny you this… Suzaku… I'm pregnant…! And so it goes without saying that we should move the wedding up from a few months to a few weeks" If a picture worth a thousand words, Suzaku's picture would have been the word "FUCKKKKKKKKKKK" a thousand times.

"Suzaku…? Are you ok?"

"Hrm..? Oh I'm just shocked… I thought… we had protected…"

"Well, there was one night when the condom broke"

"Ah… right…"

"Suzaku… we're having a child… aren't you glad?"

"Oh God Euphy… uhm, of course I am! O…Of course I am, I'm just in shock. Please forgive me."

"It's not that shocking or unheard of, I'm almost 20 and Guinevere had Elizabeth when she was 18 and Thomas when she was 20… It's not too soon, and yes, it happened out of wedlock, but you're my soon-to-be husband… for life, you're my knight" Suzaku almost shouted at Euphy to not call him her knight but caught himself. He then sucked in a deep breath and went over to his fiancée, giving her a generously long and affectionate hug.

"I'm sorry baby… It's great, great news… I think I should go tell my dad in Japan, I'm sure he would love to hear it personally from me, I haven't seen him in so long and he had to hear of our engagement and my knighthood over the phone, can I at least have this?"

"Oh Suzaku! As much as I love you, so much… the wedding, and, I can't travel and…"

"I know I know Euphy and I don't want you to travel in your condition. I absolutely forbid it really. But babe, you know I'm not going to be much help for the wedding stuff and it would mean SO MUCH to my dad…" Suzaku already knew the answer. This was the woman who loved him so much, he could convince of anything if he just beamed his smile and looked into her eyes. And when he did look into her eyes, all he saw were remnants of purple. He was well and truly fucked.

"Oh..ok, darling! Also, I would so love for Lelouch to be at our wedding, have you found out where he is?"

"N..no. But I would… like that…too" Well. Another lie won't hurt. Plus, he wasn't about to hurt his pregnant fiancée.

* * *

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Lelouch stood up from his study and went to open the door. He had given his maid and butler the night off after finding out that it was their wedding anniversary.

"Just a minute" Lelouch casually walked up to the front door. It was a rich mahogany, with two dragons carved into each of the doors. The dragons each had whiskers which were a deep red stained glass. He always enjoyed watching the red reflections on the wall when the sun refracted through. This was one of those times. He smiled at the beautiful red color that so resembled blood.

"Yes, he…." He froze, smile immediately dropping from his face because perched on his doorstep, stood his… you know, he didn't even want to define it, so… let's just use his name… stood Kururugi Suzaku.

"What are you doin…AHH" Suzaku had plunged forward and hugged Lelouch, dropping the roses he had brought with him.

"G…get off my please"

"mm mmm, nope, not yet" Suzaku just shook his head against the crook of Lelouchs neck.

"It's NOT your decision Suzaku, get the fuck off me!" Suzaku immediately released him and took a couple steps back. What was he expecting?! 'Remember Clovis?! Lelouch has far more reason to hate me, to chastise me, to never forgive me'

"Lel…"

"Go away Suzaku… Go back to Britannia or at the least, get out of my house and off this campus and do not return"

"Lelouch, don't say that… Please… not you… just please. Please give me a moment" Lelouch's heart was racing and oh god he wanted to relent so badly. Then he felt physically sick at how weak he was, how stupid he was for still wanting Suzaku's arms around him and his to be able to breathe in his...that Suzaku Kururugi. But the faint memory of a knighthood and wedding announcement starkly juxtaposed those feelings and the logical side won out. But it was still so difficult for Lelouch to say no to those pleading, bright, crying eyes.

"I..I'll give you my phone number… you can call me" 'maybe I can give him a fake number? Or I mean, I could give him the real number but never answer and always have Sayoko say I'm busy or away or… I could just talk to h…NO'

Suzaku fell to his knees, head to the ground, bowed in some sort of penitence and Lelouch thought for a second that if Suzaku had to do this much just to get his attention, how impossible it would be for him to end up ever forgiving the boy for his betrayal.

"PLEASE LELOUCH. I came here just to talk to you, to see you, to… feel you, I mean… to hug you and ki… I miss you and PLEASE, can I please just be in the same room as you?" Lelouch knew he could never overpower Suzaku. He could call his personal guards, who were out patrolling and grabbing dinner. He could also just concede and let the boy stay at least until his guards came home, which would be so very soon anyway.

"Fine… follow me…" Suzaku's eyes immediately shot up to those deep violet eyes, it was the first time in their brief encounter that he finally took them in fully. And Suzaku was transported back to a collage of memories he had, wonderful and bitter alike, of those eyes. 'All I need are those eyes in my life' he briefly thought as he followed the boy to the other room. He noticed that Lelouch had a bit more definition to him, his shoulders a tad broader and a bit more muscle tone, but still, he had a feminine figure, beautifully angled body. He couldn't help but remember the limp Lelouch had for a few days after their first fuck.

Lelouch ushered him to a love seat and Suzaku got excited beyond words, until Lelouch went and sat on the opposing chair. Then, without looking at Suzaku, he went to a little decanter and glasses he had set up. Suzaku would never have guessed Lelouch to have a little mini-bar set up but there was wine and a darker colored alcohol.

"Aren't you a student…? Is that allowed?"

"I'm a prince, and am of legal age. This residence retains Britannian Sovereignty, you can help yourself if you'd like" Lelouch reveled in the fact that he was able to remind the Japanese boy of his royalty. It was something he had never done growing up, shying away from his station, almost ashamed of it to an extent. Lelouch briefly considered pouring some of the hard stuff into his cup, then decided against it and poured a rather large glass of the blush wine and went back to his chair. He saw Suzaku scoot over out the periphery. And as much as he wanted to go sit next to the brunette, be close enough to stare into those eyes, those eyes which had at one point been his lifeline and anchor, all under false pretenses… 'hrmph'

"Lelouch… come sit with me?"

"Suzaku, what are you doing here?"

"I'll tell you, just please, come sit here with me?"

"Suzaku… I'm going to be honest with you, my personal guards will be back in around a half an hour, if that, at that point, you will either leave of your own volition, or I will have them escort you out. As for right now, I am more than willing to afford you an audience, but if you don't reign in your sense of propriety, then I will not hesitate to remove myself from this situation." Suzaku's eyes widened. Lelouch had never, NEVER, not once spoken to him this formally. Then, at the sight of his best friend, from years and years ago, a friend who he shared his first everything with, his eyes softened again and he stood up and moved towards Lelouch. As soon as he got in front of the boy, he took his wine glass, downed the glass, put it on the floor (effectively still blocking Lelouch from going anywhere) and he sat on Lelouchs lap. Not straddling but sitting bridal style across his lap, and wrapped his arms around Lelouch and pulled him close to his chest.

Lelouch was too arrogant. He underestimated Suzaku. This was the asshat who was clearly fine with fucking his sister behind his back and here he thought he could have a civil conversation with him?! He should have kicked his head into the ground while he was bowing.

"God.. I missed you so much Lelouch"

"Get the FUCK off me Suzaku"

"mmmm… no"

"I WILL ARREST YOU, I AM A PRINCE"

"You are… you're my prince"

"I am NOT YOUR PRINCE. You have a princess, her name is Euphemia. Remember?!" And for a second, Lelouch could feel Suzakus grip ease a bit, but not totally and still not enough for Lelouch to get away. Lelouch could fight, although if any of the past physical altercations he had gotten into, with Suzaku or not were telling, then he would just be easily overpowered and have to nest a bruised ego and damn it to hell if Lelouch Vi Britannia was the one who was going to be nursing ANY BRUISES tonight!

"GET OFF ME SUZAKU, IT DOESN'T WORK THIS WAY. You don't get to fuck my sister behind my back, cheat on me for months, lie to me about loving me and being my knight and then come and hug me whenever you want" And Suzaku knew it, he knew he really didn't have any right to be doing what he was doing. But he couldn't help it. It was like his body was on some auto-pilot that he couldn't disengage.

"Lelouch… It wasn't a lie when I said I lo"

"DON'T SUZAKU, just shut the fuck up and get out, I'll… I'll talk to you again, ok? Please, please leave" Lelouch was just so desperate to get this boy who was making him about to go into full blown panic attack mode again, OFF of him and out of his house and out of his life. It was now Lelouch's turn to lie and cheat and manipulate and exploit the situation to his benefit, well, maybe not benefit but to alleviate what little peace he had acquired. Suzaku stayed quiet, brushing his fingers through Lelouch's hair, inwardly marveling at how soft it was. The thing with Euphys hair was yes it was soft, but because it was so long, he could rarely get his fingers all the way through the strands. It was different with Lelouch, better, really.

"Suzaku… I'll get over this, we can be friends again, ok, just give me some time? I…I'll even come sit with on the couch" That was a lie, Lelouch was planning on bolting up the stairs and locking himself in his room the moment Suzaku got off him. Lelouch felt around his pocket. FUCK, his phone was still on his desk upstairs, he couldn't emergency call or page his guards.

"Why would I want to go to a couch where you'll be farther away from me than this?" Suzaku chuckled and Lelouch could the deep chuckle through his body, having his head pressed up to Suzakus chest like that. And god Suzaku smelled good. And his chest was just as firm. But fuck if he wasn't a lying cheating bastard.

"Because this is highly inappropriate."

"How is this inappropriate Lelouch? This is the most natural thing you and I have ever done."

"It's inappropriate because you FUCKED MY SISTER AND CHEATED ON ME AND LIED TO ME AND BETRAYED ME and you're her KNIGHT… GOD DAMNIT SUZAKU, YOU'RE HER KNIGHT AND HER HUSBAND"

"Shhh, Lelouch… I'm not her husband yet" and Lelouch was getting mother fucking SO PISSED NOW. The asshole was CLEARLY PICKING and CHOOSING what he wanted to listen and respond to. That was IT. Lelouch had had enough and why hadn't he thought of this sooner?!

"If you don't get off me, as soon as you leave, I'm going to call Euphy and tell her everything"… almost immediately, Lelouch felt Suzakus grip lessen… then… fully release. Lelouch finally pushed him away, making sure not to make any eye contact with those green eyes. 'Well, good to know he still cares about his relationship with that cunt enough for me to use this' even though Lelouch was really hoping that wouldn't be the case. God, what was he thinking, that somewhere deep down, Suzaku would abandon his LIFE-LONG OATH of servitude to Euphy and call of their engagement and come running into Lelouch's (well not so inviting) but arms none-the-less…?! 'gawd, get a grip lelouch' he chided mentally chided himself.

Suzaku stayed on his knees on the side of Lelouch's chair, resting his hands on the arm rest.

"I…I'm sorry Lelouch… for… tonight… for… everything."

"I already told you Suzaku, give me time, I'll get over it, as for now, if I tell you I wish you a happy and healthy marriage and longevity as her knight, will you please go?"

"Would you mean it?"

"Y..yes…" 'if it'll get you the fuck outta my house' Suzaku knew Lelouch enough to know when Lelouch was downright lying. There were plenty of times when he couldn't tell, but Lelouch seemed unhinged at this point and his emotions were showing more than he had probably hoped.

"Will you come to the wedding?"

"When is it?"

"In a few weeks" Lelouch's eyes widened for a femto-second before returning back to normal

"Doubtful, I have finals. It's dead week in three weeks and finals are from week four up until week six so… please do send my deepest regret to your fia… your Euphy, and take it to heart yourself"

"If that's all…?" And Suzaku got up filled two strong drinks for himself and Lelouch.

"What are you doing Suzaku? I can't drink tonight. I don't have the time or energy and I have to wake up early…"

"You had a full glass of wine, this is probably around the same" Although Lelouch knew how untrue that was and probably so did Suzaku.

Never-the-less, Lelouch glanced at the clock, his guards would be back in 15 minutes. Leave it to those imbeciles to take their time the ONE day Lelouch needed them in close proximity. Suzaku came and handed Lelouch his drink, again sinking to his knees at the side of Lelouch's chair and just staring at him. Lelouch allowed it, it was better than listening to Suzaku or having to fend off invasion of personal space.

After a minute or so of silence, Suzaku finally spoke…

"Le…leouch… are you… seeing anyone?" Lelouch's ears started getting red. How DARE this guy treat him the way he did and then barge into his house, attack him, totally neglect any concept of propriety, and then ask THAT. Well… actually, now that Lelouch thought about it, everything seemed pretty in line with how the night had been going, the question included.

"That's none of your business"

"Lelouch… I'm your best friend"

"Oh… oh Suzaku, do you honestly still believe that?" Suzakus face grew dark. Had the last year or so of his betrayals really erased his entire life-time friendship with Lelouch? No, no it didn't.

"Yes, and I don't believe it, I know it. No one knows you better than me, Lelouch. No one knows how to upset you or make you happy or make you…feel good, better than me and not even you can argue that."

"You know Suzaku. You're right. Was it a burden for you?" Lelouch wanted to punch himself, he didn't mean for that question to be uttered.

"A burden…?" Suzaku's simple face showed simple confusion.

"Forget it Suzaku"

"No Lelouch, what do you mean by a burden?"

"GOD SUZAKU, you are SO DENSE. I meant you had that… title, title of my best friend, one who knew me so well and you tossed it aside. It's against human nature to detract from things which bring you pleasure or make you happy. Only onerous things should be thrown to the wind. So, it was really stupid of me to even ask if it was a burden for you. Obviously it MUST have been"

"N….NO LELOUCH. your friendship was a privilege, an indulgence that I took for granted"

"Took… for g..ranted…?"

"Yes Lelouch, I just… We'd been friends for so long that when something new and exciting came by, I just… got swept away in it and rather than use my mental faculties to analyze everything like you always told me to do, I just went with the flow and what felt good." Suzaku was rambling so many things, contrary things really. Because the fact was that he HAD actually thought about the repercussions of what he was doing. But the only thing he really hadn't considered was how MUCH he would miss Lelouch. His touch, and the register of his voice, and god, those eyes.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch had now finished his glass and had turned to look into those emerald eyes, for the first time that night, he saw his childhood best friend. The look stirred faeries in Suzakus stomach.

"Suzaku you were always a simple idiot. But… but… you're not one to make big life decisions without putting thought into them. In fact, if you recall, when you confessed about Euphy, you logically enumerated those reasons." Suzaku cussed himself for forgetting that encounter.

"And Suzaku… oh Suzaku" Lelouch couldn't help the beads from forming at the corner of his eyes… mostly from the sight of the trickle already falling from Suzakus eyes. Like little tiny waterfalls emerging from a lush forest.

"Your decisions… aren't to be taken lightly You pledg…you pledged your loyalty f..for life Suzaku, the entire duration of your life. You're Euphy's knight" Suzaku winced at those words. He had heard them so many times, but to hear them from uttered from this boy, in that voice, he had never thought the opportunity would arise, but he allowed, nay, propelled it to this point.

Lelouch cupped Suzakus cheek in his hand, gently wiping away a few lingering tears. Suzaku practically melted at the contact. It was the first and only contact that Lelouch had initiated since he had become Euphys knight, and it brought forth a torrent of emotions, love far eclipsing any others. Suzaku had no word to make everything right. He had no way to fix this. So he just spoke from his heart, he grabbed Lelouch's hand and held it against his chest, against his heart where Lelouch could feel the quick rhythm and rather pronounced intensity of each beat.

"Lelouch… come back to me, please… I need you" Lelouch closed his eyes and released a long breath at the words, he must have been holding it at some point… words that he really thought he would never be able to deny.

"Su…Suzaku, I… gave you my everything already and it wasn't enough, I.. don't have anything left to give you" And just as Suzaku was about to vehemently protest how Lelouch was all, everything he ever needed, would ever need, the front door opened and two guards carrying bags of food came in, rushing forward at the sight of a foreign body perched next to their prince.

"N…no, Lelouch, please don't send me away, PLEASE. I love you, please let me stay near you, god PLEASE." Suzaku didn't care how pathetic he looked or sounded as he pleaded, looking frantically from Lelouch to the guards that were closing in on him quickly.

"Master Vi Britannia, is everything OK? What's going on here?" Lelouch gave a sincere look of apology and… pity… and sym..no empathy, and mostly, love and affection to the kneeling boy besides him as he plucked the glass from his hand. Lelouch wasn't even sure he did it, but he had a vague recollection of mouthing the word "sorry" before he spoke to his guards.

"Everything is… under control at the moment however, could you please escort Sir Kururugi out and make sure he gets back to… wherever it is he needs to go…" 'MY SIDE is where he was supposed to be' Lelouch couldn't help but think.

Oh his way out, a guard on each of his sides, he turned around and addressed his prince.

"Lelouch, I'm in town for another two days. Can you please meet me at the tea house near the Kururugi Shrine? You can bring your personal guards, I need to talk to you about official royal business" Lelouch looked shocked and furrowed his brow in curious confusion. But… no matter how he looked at it, Suzaku was a knight for the royal family. A title which held quite a bit of clout and if a knight approached a member of the royal family regarding royal matters, it was highly irregular and frowned up to not grant an audience.

"If the topic strays, I will take my leave"

"I understand… 11 a.m. tomorrow?"

"No, I have dat… uhm, I have an engagement at that time. Anytime after 3 p.m."

Suzaku caught the slip and it broke his heart. His eyes rolled back into his head and he took a deep breath.

"Yeah, 5:30 then? Dinner… b..bye Lelouch"

"Bye Suzaku"

That night Suzaku woke up to sticky sheets and a vague memory that was fading quickly behind the silky curtains of dreams. He remembered moonlight glinting off black hair… oh right… the memory of the first time Lelouch had ever had Suzaku intimately. Although Suzaku would regularly picture Lelouch when he was fucking his fiancée, there were a few select memories he avoided, for one, the flood of emotion would probably overwhelm him and secondly, he probably wouldn't be able to resist calling out the raven-haired boys name. Their first tryst in the gazebo was one, the first time they had sex was another, the night Lelouch said I love you was third, and the last ones were whenever Lelouch would call Suzaku his knight during sex.

Suzaku couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He laid awake finally giving into his long-term thoughts. What was he expecting? For Lelouch to be his mistress? To submit to him whenever he wanted to detour from his wife/fiancées bed? Yes. That was exactly what he was hoping for. However unfair it was to the prince, that was what Suzaku wanted and he couldn't help the way he felt. But was it something that he could… or would even try to accomplish? But it was Lelouch and the thought of never touching him again, never hearing his screams of pleasure, never seeing that ecstatic cum face again, scared Suzaku to the bone. It was possibly the most frightening thing he had ever experienced after hearing that Lelouch had up and left the country. So what if it took more lies? It wasn't as if Suzaku hadn't already crossed the threshold into a world of lies and deceit already.

Suzaku had to know who Lelouch was going on a da..te with. He had to intervene somehow, had to get the..his.. prince back to the Aries Villa Palace, back into his life… he could figure out the rest later.

* * *

Lelouch cursed himself… then, threw a glass against his mirror, shattering both while he shifted his mentality to curse Suzaku instead. Suzaku was the real reason he was in this mess. If that simple minded idiot (which was no longer said in a playful manner) hadn't broken Lelouch's heart, then Lelouch wouldn't be indebted to his brother Clovis for helping set him up at Ashford University. Deep down Lelouch knew that Clovis had set this blind date up only in the hopes of his dear younger brother finding serenity and possibly even love again at some point. But that sentiment was buried so deep down in an inaccessible crevice and Lelouch wasn't about to start shoveling, so instead, he cursed Suzaku, stupid, idiotic, selfish, disloyal… beautiful…Suzaku.

Lelouch sighed as he changed into his afternoon date-ware. 'Might as well get over this…first I'll do this to mollify stupid Clovis… then after I'll go to coffee so I can do the same for Suzaku.' Lelouch's eyes narrowed at the revelation that he was still doing things for other people. Granted he had taken steps to rectify that, proactive steps in independence, but he still found his current self too weak for his liking. And the culprit behind it was as usual, Suzaku.

It wasn't hard for Suzaku to follow them to the restaurant. It was a fancy place and he had to tip extra… a lot extra to not only get a seat but one that was inconspicuous enough that he could eavesdrop in peace. And at the halfway mark of the blind date, Suzaku was so thankful that he was far enough away that his spontaneous bouts of laughter didn't seem too suspicious. At first sight of Lord Alfred Darlton, Suzaku had fumed. The man was tall and blonde and very good looking. But as soon as he opened his mouth, all charm evaporated into thin air. The man was insufferable. He was conceited and arrogant and spoiled… all the things that Lelouch were but without the substance to back it up. He would approach a topic as an expert on the matter but then rhetorically fumble when pressed on it by the raven-haired beauty, who, by the way, was all too willing to expose the posers ineptitude. The date ended with the over-confident prick figuring it went well, having the audacity to place a light chaste kiss on Lelouch's lips before retreating to his own car, where his personal guard stood, eyes narrowed in some sort of disdain at his boss. Suzaku was too preoccupied to care about what drama existed between Lord Alfred and his security detail however, he was too engaged with how utterly defeated and upset his Lelouch looked, placing the blame entirely on Lord Alfred and forgoing himself as a possible cause for that.

Lelouch returned home and immediately went to his study and to his mini-bar. He poured a huge glass and downed it, then he poured another in another foul swoop, downed that one. Then he threw one of his last remaining glasses into the fire. He was already on the third set of crystal glasses. His maid had requested that they be switched out for regular glass but Lelouch insisted on the expensive crystal, claiming to enjoy watching them shatter and how they sparkle afterwards. 'Most broken things don't remain so iridescent, ne Sayoko?' He had said as he left the conversation and room at the same time. Lelouch hated how smug and totally idiotic that Lord Alfred Darlton had been. Yes he was very handsome, no doubt the reason for Clovis's choice, but that superficiality was not enough to salvage any sort of attraction. All it did was remind Lelouch of the good kind of idiot, the sweet kind. The date had only dredged up old memories and feelings and that upset Lelouch so much more than any failed date could ever have. Lelouch almost broke the third glass on accident from the sharp knocks on the door. In his anger, he had dismissed, no… rather, forcefully evicted anyone left in his house. He didn't trust his ability to stay together and rather than break in front of his employees, he forced them out for an hour, figuring that considering his upcoming event, there was no real danger of a certain emerald-eyed boy to show up uninvited again. He was wrong. Standing at the threshold of his door, once again, were those eyes. This time, Lelouch was the one acted first, grabbing a fistful of the brunettes shirt and pulling him over the threshold, into a liquor fueled, yet, comfortable, yet lusty kiss.

"mmm… Lelouch, baby" Suzaku finally uttered panting after they briefly separated to intake some much needed air. But as much as they both needed to breathe, it was clear that they both needed each other's bodies more, because before either could catch even a fraction of the necessary oxygen, they were all over each others mouths again.

"shut-up, don't talk… just… strip" Lelouch had pulled Suzaku into his study and shoved him down onto the loveseat, straddling the brunettes hips. Lelouch was being rough, canting and thrusting his hips into Suzaku so hard that the other was concerned the friction would be too much and he might just come in his pants. His lips were pressed into Suzakus so hard that Suzakus lips tingled when Lelouch progressed on down his neck

"uhmm, ahh…" Lelouch had snaked a hand behind him and stroked the front of Suzakus erection. Lelouch immediately went to unbuttoning the brunettes pants while Suzaku kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned Lelouchs shrirt and pants himself. Lelouch's other hand was under Suzakus shirt, running along familiar pathways that elicited sheer pleasure from the latter.

"mmm do you ha…?"

"Second drawer from the bottom, under some papers" Lelouch ushered to the desk. Suzaku practically sprinted there, half in anticipation but half out of fear that at any moment Lelouch might change his mind. His fears were almost immediately alleviated when he swiveled around to return and instead saw that a nude Lelouch had followed him to the desk. Suzaku's breath caught at the sight. Lelouch had changed in the few months he hadn't seen him. Maybe getting a tad taller, with more definition... or it could have just due to his constant availability, Suzaku had just neglected to truly appreciate Lelouch's true beauty. But right now, as Lelouch's body was illuminated from the skylight, like an angel. An aroused angel but still… magnificent with a continuous pallor that didn't change shade anywhere on his body. He was mesmerized as he watched Lelouch's move with the grace that only a prince could harness, he watched him assume a not-so-graceful position over the desk, a position that, if given the choice, Suzaku would have adamantly fought against. It was his raven-haired beauty's various faces during the troughs of arousal that had been his sustenance since the princes absence. As much as he willed (which wasn't too hard) the thoughts of Lelouch away when he was with Euphy, his ever-so-contrary brain would just flash image after image of Lelouch's faces, ridden with pleasure. He always felt guilty after but it wasn't as if guilt wasn't as common a feeling as happiness or sadness to Suzaku anymore.

Well, if he couldn't face Lelouch during sex, then he would at least find do something to illicit that pleasure while bingeing as much as he could while it was available to him. Suzaku knelt down besides Lelouch's bent over body and angled his head a bit so he could deeply kiss him. He lubed up and inserted a finger while doing so, carefully avoiding the prostate. From their many sexual encountesr, Suzaku knew this boy inside and out. He carefully inserted a second finger and whenever he would graze that bundle of nerves, he would cautiously disengage their kiss so as to watch the pleasure sweep over Lelouch's face. Suzaku felt like he'd never been so turned on by anything before. But how was that possible? It wasn't as if what they were doing was new. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind when he heard Lelouch

"Hhhurry up, pl..ease" Suzaku felt a slight pang of disappointment at the words. He wanted to make this last, wanted to take his time… but then again, he couldn't risk the possibility of Lelouch prematurely curtailing this blissful event, so he just wordlessly nodded and positioned himself behind Lelouch. He entered him slowly, but once he was in, his resolution crumbled and he started thrusting hard. Every sound out of the princes mouth seemed to intensify the amalgamation of lust and love that was coursing through Suzakus veins.

"Oh hrmm… Suzaku… touch me" As hard and ready as Suzaku was to come, he still recognized that he was neglecting Lelouch's erection. He did it on purpose though, coinciding with their past trysts, Suzaku would have long ago had reached around and started pumping the raven-haired boys pulsing cock but his desire to prolong this was just too great. It wasn't as if Lelouch was now in the position to really back out so Suzaku took advantage of that fact. Suzaku took a lot of advantage of shit. But he didn't give a damn about that at this moment.

"Shhh, I will… patience is a… what did you use do say… a virtue? Don't worry Lelouch.. I will make you feel good, I promise you that" Suzaku immediately felt Lelouch tense at his words. But he thrust the boy under him back into a state of jelly. Lelouch had tensed at the word promise… hearing promises from Suzaku brought horrible feelings and memories bubbling to the surface. Suzaku, quickly realizing that no matter how willful he tried to be, he could not curtail the approaching physical peak, finally grabbed Lelouch and started stroking him in time with his own thrusts.

"Ohhh… yes… yessss" Lelouch was fast approaching his own end. Suzaku was so looking forward to hearing Lelouch's blissful release. If he couldn't see the boy, he could at least hear him. However, his heart clenched when Lelouch finally orgasmed.

"Ohhh GOD… YESssss" It was the first and only time Lelouch hadn't said or screamed or whispered Suzakus name at his peak. It… drove Suzaku mad with anger. He thrust into Lelouch a few more times, and reached his own, disappointing orgasm. Everything before was indicating it to be one of the best he would have ever felt but now, it seemed like he was cheated out of it. Even though that made no sense, he didn't care, all he wanted was to do the boy under him properly and to have him screaming his name out again.

"C…get out of me now please" Lelouch's voice had returned to a more normal once. Suzaku knew he had to act quick. He pulled out but pulled Lelouch down to the love seat, to sit on top of him, with Suzakus head resting on Lelouch's chest.

"Lelouch… that was…you're so perfect. I need you baby, please… I made a huge mistake, just… come back, let me fix it. Let me love you" Maybe it was the wretched date he had just been on or the endorphins still coursing through him but Lelouch let the train of thought be entertained a bit.

"H..W..hat about Euphy…?" To be completely honest, the brunette hadn't given his fiancée very much thought at all this entire trip or really at all after deciding to retrieve his prince.

"What about her…? I mean, yes I have to still be her knight. But that's all I want to be to her… no more. I want to be your everything"

"Everything else you mean"

"…Lelouch, please, that…it's just a stupid title, you are my world, my universe…" Lelouch hated that Suzaku would diminish the title of knight, could it really mean so little to him…? Was that why he was so quick to be Euphy's knight? 'Maybe I never stressed exactly how important it was to me? Or what it really meant? To me or in our society?' Any psychologist would have hit Lelouch over the head at his thoughts but then… Lelouch was in love.

"I love you Lelouch" For the first time since the knighting ceremony, Lelouch felt those words resonate in him and he allowed them… welcomed them… cherished them… Then overwhelmed by those words and by the pleading emerald eyes looking into his soul, Lelouch made a decision.

"I…Ok Suzaku…I'll come back to the Aries Villa… to… you" Suzaku's heart leapt with joy. For a split second, he felt pure happiness and also allowed himself to, welcomed the feeling and cherished it. For a split second. Then he was hit with his usual guilt and remorse mixed with shame. He couldn't let Lelouch see that though. Suzaku inwardly cursed how he never cultivated the ability of deceptive eyes, eyes that hid emotions such that his prince had so easily done. He closed his eyes and focused on the mundane tasks he had to accomplish in order to get his prince back, sufficiently occupying and distracting his mind from the thoughts that elicited those negative emotions. And because he was a simple idiot, he was able to do so with little effort (literally).

* * *

Clovis was LIVID.

"LELOUCH, WHAT THE MOTHER-FUCKING…HELL"

"Clovis… I thank you, very much, from the bottom of my heart"

"Heart? YOUR HEART? The heart that that sick bastard shattered into a million pieceS?!"

"CLOVIS… Please, let me finish, you are of royal birth. Blue blood. You are not a uncouth brute who interrupts people, are you?"

"Oh Lelouch… God… fine, but just know that when it's my turn to speak… PREPARE yourself Lelouch"

"And I am heartily ready to intercept any notions you would like to convey to me. You are my lovely brother who… as much as I may not spend time with because I kind of detest it, you do care for me. I cannot… Clovis… there are no words in the Britannia oxford dictionary to properly convey to you how grateful I am for all you've done. I want you to know that. And now… I am saying with strict and very adamant conviction, this is my life and I will live it how I please. Respect my decisions or not, I don't care, but allow me the freedom to make them on my own." Something about the way Lelouch's eyes were hardened, had the complete opposite effect on Clovis's, causing his glacial blue orbs to soften, as if the glacier were melting.

"Lelouch… I just… I can't see you go through that again. P..lease… you're just… setting yourself up for more disappointment. I don't… god I wish I could just have him killed…" Clovis was more muttering the last part to himself, however, the threat wasn't lost on Lelouch, whose possessiveness immediately perked up.

"CLOVIS… petty threats and childish banter are counter-productive. I understand where you are coming from. And that is all you will get from me, understanding your stance, you will not sway my decision, I only ask the same from you, not acceptance but for you to recognize my choice. Also, it goes without saying, don't lay a finger on Suzaku" Clovis felt his anger start to build up again at that. Who the FUCK did that eleven think he was?! To play with his brother like this?! But then again, Lelouch was stubborn and intelligent and completely and totally adept to make his own decisions, more-so than Clovis was and that fact forced Clovis to acquiesce to Lelouch. But what hurt Clovis the most was that he knew his brother's mind wasn't functioning on 100% reason and logic. No. it was clouded and muddled. By love.

"… I… I… I'll be in my room." Lelouch knew that it was difficult for his brother to admit anything. They were all stubborn royalty after-all. Any displays of submissiveness were seen as weakness. But the tone and Clovis's eyes were indicative enough.

"Yes, well… again… thank you Clovis" And Lelouch said it with complete and totally sincerity.

The only reason Clovis didn't go immediately to Euphys room and tell her everything was because he couldn't stand the thought of hurting his sister. She was sickly sweet and loved Suzaku almost as much if not possibly even more than Lelouch. Well, certainly more than Suzaku loved Lelouch but Clovis wasn't certain it was vise versa. Euphy would probably forgive Suzaku if she ever figured out anyways. But Clovis did at that very moment, vow that if Suzaku ever hurt his sister as well and became discharged from knighthood, Clovis would have him killed. And Clovis felt much better at that thought. He fell asleep, a sound sleep, dreaming of Suzaku Kururugi's slow and painful death… or deaths. There may have been multiple deaths.

* * *

~18 years old

Weeks went by, the wedding was fast approaching and Lelouch was getting antsy. Sure, Suzaku had spent almost every night in his room. In fact, the entirety of the night. It soothed Lelouch knowing that even though Suzaku hadn't quite broken it off yet, Euphy must be getting SOME idea as to his intentions to do so. She couldn't be blind to his distancing himself from her.

Little did he know that Suzaku and Euphy had made a pact to sleep with each other only after their marriage, to make it more special and in order to avoid any temptations, Suzazku would stay elsewhere. Suzaku had also taken advantage of the fact that Euphy's pregnancy made her sluggish and less amorous than usual. Suzaku ended up convincing Euphy to postpone their wedding not even back to the original date, but to a tentative date sometime after her pregnancy. He peppered the proposition with beautiful little lies like having their own child be there to witness their life-long commitment to each other and some other nonsense. He actually meant it though, he found that prospect pretty damn romantic. Plus, he was spending so much time satiating his prince that he didn't spend much time helping Euphy plan their wedding, that combined with everything else left the decision an easy one for Euphy, she had agreed and Suzaku immediately ran to Lelouch to tell him that their wedding as indefinitely postponed, picking the words carefully… not that he wouldn't have just straight out lied had he needed to.

It wasn't hard for Lelouch to avoid Euphy. He purposefully went out of his way to do so. However, this time, he kept his relationship with Suzaku secret out of a sense of propriety. It wasn't necessary to go bragging about how he had what his sister didn't and to lord their failed love over her. Lelouch wasn't that type. Discretion was his strong suit and especially when he had everything he wanted, he felt no desire to even occupy the same space as other people let alone divulge his personal business to them. The Aries Villa palace was humongous and one could go ones entire life without running into another person if one so desired, and Lelouch so desired. Suzaku took advantage of that fact however, it was a bit more difficult to convince Euphy not to seek out her younger brother. When she had found out that Lelouch was back, she immediately wanted to send for him to come to a luncheon, however Suzaku thanked God he was privy to her plans and was able to intervene. He told her a lie woven of half truths that Lelouch needed time and space so he could get over Suzaku's betrayal. Suzaku claimed that although Lelouch wasn't too mad at Euphy herself, he was still irked and then Suzaku pulled rank on her. Both Euphy and Suzaku knew that Suzaku was (or had been and for all Euphy knew, still was) Lelouch's best friend and the person closest to him. Euphy knew she wasn't even on the top five of people closest to Lelouch so when Suzaku said he wanted to smooth things over with Lelouch on his own first, Euphy begrudgingly accepted. She was much too preoccupied with her own matters anyways, the pregnancy and upcoming nuptials being her primary focus.

* * *

~18 and 19 years old

"YOU SICK FUCK, CLOVIS WAS RIGHT, you ARE A FUCKING SICK BASTARD… GET THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK AWAY FROM ME" Lelouch's mind couldn't grasp much else other than crude curse words. At that moment, he wished every curse word in the world would manifest into a heavy inanimate object that he could throw at the boy crying in front of him.

"Lelouch, this doesn't change anything! I got her pregnant BEFORE I CAME TO GET YOU! I STILL LOVE YOU! I love you SO MUCH and you are still EVERYTHING TO ME! I won't LEAVE YOU over THIS, It's just now I have some extra responsibility…!" Suzaku knew that no matter how discrete they were planning to be, someone would eventually notice Euphy's baby bump and that rumors would inevitably reach his princes ears. It was stupid Jeremiah Gotwald who had made that come to fruition. Still, as far as everyone was concerned, the wedding date still hadn't been set and thanks to Suzaku's constant manipulation, Euphy wasn't any closer to setting one nor did she get very far on her planning of it. Instead, she preoccupied her time with everything baby. So even Suzaku knew that this secret was inevitably going to come out. Suzaku had planned ahead for it, he was going to change his princes perspective, making the boy see himself as the baby's step-mother rather than just "Euphy and Suzaku's baby." But first was damage control for the lie.

"YOU LIED. YOU LYING PIECE OF LYING SHIT. HOW WOULD A BABY NOT CHANGE ANYTHING?! YOU… FUCKING ASSHOLE. LYING FUCKING LIAR. GOD… FUCK YOU."

"Lelouch, CALM DOWN. I know I lied. I was scared to lose you. I was… I couldn't lose you Lelouch. I CAN'T lose you. I WON'T lose you. Lelouch, you're the love of my life. You know that you're going to raise him or her with me right? I'm still not going to marry Euphy, a baby out of wedlock is hardly gossip worthy for the ranks of you aristocrats…" And he was right. The royal family was rank with incest, pedophilia, homosexuality, bestiality and fetishes… fetishes like crazy scary fetishes. In fact, Suzaku figured he gravitated towards Euphy and Lelouch because they were so normal… sexually.

"OH MY GOD SUZAKU. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT THIS MOTHER FUCKING SECOND. I'M NOT RAISING SHIT UNLESS IT'S MY GUN TO SHOOT YOU WITH" Suzaku knew it was an empty threat. But he stayed none-the-less, both crying and yelling and saying the same things over and over again. Love. Liar. Fear. Cheat. Love. Loss. Betrayal. Love. Knight. Promises. Baby. Love. The two points Suzaku stressed most were Love and fear. After all, it wasn't hard, he truly did mean it. Everything he did was out of a fear that Lelouch would leave him because he loved him so much. And the more and more he hammered it into Lelouch's head, the more it seemed the prince started to at least TRY to understand where Suzaku was coming from. Hey, it was a start and on the FIRST night that Lelouch had found out?! It was way more progress than Suzaku had anticipated. After 6 hours of yelling and drama and emotions and crying, the prince finally passed out… in Suzaku's arms. They were both exhausted. Suzaku went to sleep happy but when he awoke, Lelouch was gone. He freaked out for a minute at the sight of the lack of his prince but calmed down when he heard the shower. He breathed a sigh of relief and decided to give his prince sometime to come to grips with what had just occurred. After-all, he would be back later that night and spend the night with his prince. He wouldn't lose his prince. Ever again. He wrote a note for Lelouch, stuck it on his dresser and left.

Lelouch emerged from the bathroom with… no Suzaku there. He was thankful. He felt more numb than anything. He still loved Suzaku, he knew that. But maybe after the last betrayals, he had unconsciously hardened himself? It hurt him a little less than he thought it would, honestly. He was more angry than he was hurt and that thought scared him. Lelouch sat on the bed with his towel, his idle gaze falling on the broken crystal glass. He thought back to the memory of the previous night when he had thrown the glass. It hadn't broken the first time he threw it on the ground. It was only when he had slumped to the ground, breaking down, that his wily hand had found the thing still intact. This time he threw it against his back wall. Opposite of any person. The glass had shattered on impact. 'Am I like crystal? How many cracks can you put in me before I shatter again Suzaku?' It didn't help that he was already damaged. He had already been glued back once. Maybe some pieces were still missing though, maybe to protect himself, he purposefully did not allow a refurbishing. Missing a shard of pure commitment, another shard of pure trust, another shard of pure loyalty. Lelouch wondered with so many shards missing and the increasing placement of cracks from the past and present (and future?) … he wondered whether their relationship really wouldn't shatter. And nothing, not even they would be able to salvage it after that. It seemed the only thing he had fully truly invested back into Suzaku was passion in the bedroom. 'But… that's not enough… is it Suzaku?' Lelouch stood up and walked over to the dresser. He stopped, picked up, and read the note.

"Lelouch. My beautiful Prince. My one and only. My everything. My universe. I am only yours. I will see you tonight and forever" Lelouch read it with a sad smile and then crumpled it up and threw it away. It was the first time he felt no regret at throwing away a love note from Suzaku.

* * *

'I can't believe I'm in this God Forsaken situation again!' Lelouch thought, indignant at his older brother Clovis. Apparently "Lord Alfag Darl-tons-of-shit" as Lelouch had come to dub him in his mind, had relentlessly approached Euphy during their shared university level Chemistry course. He pestered her, asking her to please set another date up with Lelouch so that he could apologize and nothing more. Euphy then delegated the whole ordeal to Clovis, who was all too happy to accept. Even if it got Lelouch away from that 'eleven' for 5 minutes, it was a victory for Clovis. After much persuasion and some very lighthearted threats of threats, Lelouch outwardly agreed, under the rationale of thanking Clovis for recognizing his life decisions and due to some lingering gratitude for setting Lelouch up at Ashford, but there was another reason one so deeply subconscious, that even under hypnosis, Lelouch probably wouldn't have acknowledged it. And that was regret. Regret that he didn't given more credence to his brothers ominous words of wisdom when he had dived back into his relationship with Suzaku. So, here he was. Sitting at another fine French restaurant. Dreading the upcoming night. At least he had ordered already and was on his way to a nice buzz. And hey, if his night ended like the last time he met this guy, Lelouch couldn't call it a total loss. That thought both excited and saddened Lelouch, but his growing buzz and subsequent arousal and the memory of Suzaku's chiseled body soon had excitement outweighing any somber emotions.

"Lord Darlton sends his regrets, both for not being here and especially for the last time… I can definitely vouch for that" a bouncy (yes bouncy) voice jolted Lelouch back to reality. Lelouch looked down and was met with the sight of a tall blonde boy, around his same age probably, with piercing blue eyes and sharp jaw line. Lelouch couldn't help but stare a bit at the beautiful specimen of man in front of him. Only for a second though, his memory immediately panged

"Oh… I'm sorry, I never caught your name but.. you are the head of security for Lord Alfag..ahem… Alfred, correct?"

"hahaha" the blonde grabbed at his sides and Lelouch couldn't help but smile at how free and easily this boy laughed.

"Yeah, he totally had that coming. Witty. Cute. I have to apologize. That was a rouse, Alfrag, as I call him, because sometimes I want to throw a frag grenade in his open gullet" Lelouch smiled wider "well, he was kind of nervous so he asked me to pretend to be his head of security so my presence could help calm him down and he could consult me if he needed help but God… even God's divine intervention couldn't have helped that train wreck of a date" Lelouch let out a little chuckle.

"You have a really nice laugh…" Lelouch blushed.

"So… you are…?"

"Sorry…" Gino seemed to get lost in Lelouch's eyes, losing his train of thought.

"I'm Gino Wineberg" Gino recovered quickly. He then plastered his face with smile that rivaled a certain emerald eyed boys, Lelouch thought.

"W..Winebergs? Of THE Winebergs?" Lelouch's eyes widened at the revelation of the last name. The Winebergs were tied with the Ashfords as the most wealthy and influential family under the Royal Family, Lelouch's own Britannia moniker.

"Y..yea… I don't usually announce it, which was why I was all too happy that night staying the anonymous head of security… but after meeting… well, observing the date, I was more hoping that I became less anonymous and more mysterious to you… you seem curious about mysteries but…I should have known that Alfrag was distraction enough from any of your surroundings" Lelouch couldn't help face from darkening, he tried, tried very hard to will the flush down but he less control over his unconscious bodily functions than he had over his pathetic excuse for a life. And that brought his thoughts back to a certain current pinnacle of his life.

"Well… now that I know who you are, the mystery's solved…" Gino eyes looked sad for a brief second and Lelouch couldn't help but marvel at how this boy's emotions were just as evident through his eyes as… well… as Suzaku's were. But Gino was anything if not resilient and a tad… overly… extremely… persistent. By the end of the night, he had Lelouch laughing tears out of his eyes.

"You know… I really meant it, your laugh is beautiful, and it makes me really happy that I could elicit it from you." Lelouch couldn't help but smile at that.

"Ah, but Sir Wine…"

"Please, I told you, Gino… Plleeaasee"

"Right right, but Gino… I'm laughing AT you, not WITH you. Your idiotic behavior with the waiter."

"Hey, if it's from your mouth… I'll take it any way I can" Both boys blushed hard and averted their gazes, Gino quickly recovering and looking back at Lelouch.

"I… I mean…actually… I mean exactly what I said." Lelouch slowly brought his head up and every more slowly finally looked to Gino. Gino's eyes were now showing curiosity and a bit of… lust. Lelouch had seen it enough times to recognize it.

"Heh… well, thank you, the compliment is accepted even if I consider it unwarranted… well, it's getting… oh my goodness, it's 11… I lost track of time and…"

"Can I see you again? Please Lelouch? Even just as friends, I… you know, one of my goals tonight was to show you how persistent I was so that when I asked this question, you wouldn't be able to say no…"

"Gino… how could you have possibly foreseen asking me this question… what if I turned out to be a cannibalistic murderer? Would your persistence to show how persistent you are have paid off then?" Lelouch let out a slight chuckle which caused Gino's lips to upturn at the sides and let out a slight chuckle himself.

"you know what Lelouch… laugh all you want at me, in fact, I encourage you to but… ever since I met you… or, god I sound like a freak stalker or something but ever since I observed you… your interaction with Alfred… I knew. And I was right. I like being right, it's somewhat of a rarity" This drew a pretty genuinely large laugh from Lelouch and Gino tilted his head and closed his eyes, just listening to that wonderful voice. He honestly thought he could listen to Lelouch's deep rich voice for the rest of his life, he was enraptured by it the first night he had heard it and he silently cursed Alfred every time he would interrupt Lelouch or dominate the conversation… which to his chagrin, happened quite often.

"This weekend then? Or anytime sooner is fine!"

"N…no…this weekend is fine. Same place? Give me your number so I can call you right now so you can have mine" Lelouch pulled out his phone. Gino did the same, a bit too eagerly, enough that his butter fingers caused it to fall and he had to bend down to get it. Lelouch couldn't help but notice his ample… *BUZZ BUZZ* Lelouch practically dropped his own phone when it buzzed. He looked down,

Message: Suzaku

Hey lovely. I miss you. When will you be back? Did I tell you today how much I love you? My PPP face…!

It was an inside joke from when they were younger. An insult turned into a compliment. Peepee face turned to PPP face, meaning Perfectly Pristine Prince. Lelouch remembered open mouthed kissing Suzaku for the first time the night Suzaku had come up with that.

He exchanged numbers with Gino. Lelouch finished the last of his wine and placed his hand on the white table cloth.

"Well… can I walk you to your car…?" Gino hesitated for a second before placing his own hand on top of Lelouch's. Lelouch recoiled and withdrew his hand as if it was scalded. Gino's eyes widened and he stuttered

"I.. I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't ha…"

"N…no, Gino… it's fine, really, I'm sorry for that… response, it was rather rude… it's just… friends, ok?" Gino smiled and, contrary to what Lelouch was predicting, he found no malice or disappointment anywhere in Gino's eyes or features anywhere. It made Lelouch kinda… disappointed? No. He was just still upset about the whole pregnancy thing. He would get over it and then have his boyfriend back and maybe even a new friend. It didn't surprise Lelouch that he had taken a liking to Gino, he was a simple idiot, like a certain brunette. If Lelouch realized Gino reminded him of an innocent, pre-betrayal Suzaku, he didn't dwell on it past a few seconds.

* * *

~19 and 19

Euphy was getting closer and closer to her delivery and therefore, more demanding of her fiancé and knight. Suzaku was kind of glad that Lelouch was spending less time with him. He figured it was partly because Lelouch recognized that Suzaku needed to tend to Euphy and partly because he couldn't stand the thought and needed space. Either way, Suzaku understood and gave him his space. He still spent almost every night with Lelouch. So Suzaku just needed to get this pregnancy over with and then things would go back to relative normalcy until he had to deal with the whole marriage issue, which he was hoping the baby would hinder even longer, babies are a lot of work.

Lelouch was spending at least 3-4 days a week with Gino for the past 3 months or so and talking and texting almost non-stop when they weren't together. It took him a full two weeks to notice his attraction to Gino went beyond friendship. However, he was still hesitant to progress to anything physical with Gino. Because of Suzaku. After that night he found out about Euphys pregnancy, Lelouch introspected a lot and realized that maybe Suzaku's fear was legitimate, what if Suzaku had noticed that upon his return to the Aries Villa, Lelouch wasn't fully invested in their relationship and that was why he was so fearful of Lelouch leaving, thereby causing him to omit Euphy's pregnancy. And yes "omit" was something Suzaku had stressed. He never "lied" about the pregnancy, he just "omitted it." It was a rhetorical tactic that at an earlier time, would have made Lelouch proud but now just irritated him. What irritated him even more was Gino's utter willingness at just being platonic with each other. Lelouch had even tested Gino a few times, brushing up against him and even placing his hand on Ginos. Gino always reciprocated in that he wouldn't pull back, but he never initiated or even advanced it. Lelouch hated how he felt like a teenager with a juvenile crush. I mean, that's all it was, it wasn't true love or anything. On a side note, Lelouch didn't feel an ounce of regret or remorse for having a crush on another individual besides Suzaku and he found that odd yet comforting, irritating yet pacifying.

* * *

~19 and 19

It was 2 weeks before Euphy's delivery date and Suzaku was entirely too busy to spend any time with Lelouch. Lelouch found that he really didn't mind… he found a distraction in Gino. But the thoughts that were now occupying Lelouch's mind were more along the lines of figuring whether Gino was just a distraction or… something more. So he would. Tonight he would force Gino to make a move.

He wore Gino's favorite colors, which just happened to be a purple not too dissimilar to Lelouch's eyes, he always wondered if that was a coincidence. Lelouch also took a bath in extra lavender and vanilla scented bath beads and put on his silky boxer briefs, pretty much dolling himself up to the point where even he wanted himself. 'God I'm conceited…' Lelouch even put on heeled boots. Gino was 6'4'' where as Lelouch was 5'10'' so he could spare it. He had been dwelling on how it would feel to be swooped up into those broad shoulders, having to look up to kiss Gino. Suzaku was the same height as Lelouch, which made grinding pretty nice… there was no way that was the reason Lelouch wore heels though… probably.

"Wow Lelouch… you look… ravishing" Gino's blue eyes were laser beam focused on Lelouch. They had just gotten to the restaurant and Lelouch scooted close enough to Gino to be touching his shoulder with his own. Again, Gino didn't move away but didn't move closer either. 'Ugh' it was pissing Lelouch off and he didn't want to have to do this the whole night, so fuck it, he wasn't that hungry anyways.

"And… what are you going to do about it…?" He leaned a bit closer to Gino, tilting his head a bit, exposing his pale neck and causing a rush of lavender and vanilla to waft.

"uhh..hrmm… w..what can I… what would you allow me to do…? Gino swallowed hard and his eyes fluttered. Lelouch smirked at the response.

"I'll allow you to figure that out yourself and I'll allow you to try and I'll allow myself to judge whether I enjoyed it." Well Gino wasn't stupid and he didn't need to be told twice. Not with Lelouch. never with Lelouch. He leaned forward and kissed Lelouch. But against his entire body and mind, Gino exercised restraint. But oh god, this was Lelouch. and Gino was, no ifs and or buts about it, he was head over heels in love with Lelouch. He knew that Lelouch had commitment and trust issues. Gino was pretty perceptive. Especially when it came to Lelouch… although, he did have a bit of help. Clovis had no doubt been a willing receptacle of everything Lelouch. That was how Gino had to go to sleep every night knowing that the man who he loved was crawling into bed with another. One who was, by definition, an abusive asshole. Gino hated Suzaku Kururugi. As much as he hated Suzaku, he loved Lelouch more so he did whatever he had to, and more. At first he was concerned that his feelings might have arisen out of pity and sympathy for Lelouch but it was a far- fetched idea after observing the boy on his date with Alfragfag and that inkling was most definitely validated as soon as he and Lelouch hung out regularly. Lelouch was a strong, intelligent, competent, and beautiful, such a beautiful person, his body and god, those eyes and apparently, he was passionate as well. And and.. oh god, Gino's wildest dream was coming true. Lelouch's tongue licked Gino's bottom lip. Gino let out a relieved sigh he didn't even realize he had pent up when he opened up his mouth. Then, all at once, one hand went around Lelouch's waist, pulling him closer, the other, grabbed at one of Lelouch's free hands, intertwining their hands. Then… then Lelouch moaned and Gino all the butterflies and gymnasts and monster trucks and 9.0 earthquakes in Ginos stomach decided to collectively move. Gino had never felt more happy or excited about anything in his entire life.

He silently prayed that this would never end. Lelouch disengaged their hands, causing Gino to release a disappointed grunt which was immediately replaced by a happy and sexy moan when Lelouch's hand went into Ginos hair. Lelouch had wanted to run his fingers through Ginos hair for the longest time. To tussle those golden locks and God, they were just as soft as he had envisioned. Lelouch's other hand stayed lightly And for the first time, Lelouch was looking and feeling Gino, only Gino. He wasn't comparing this Adonis to Suzaku. And that gave Lelouch his answer. He was concerned that if he and Suzaku ever broke up then he would always measure them against his best friend and he wasn't as terrified that they would fall short, he was more terrified of actually partaking in the ACT of comparing everyone to Suzaku. It wasn't normal or healthy. And… Gino was Gino and Lelouch wanted him to be nothing more and nothing less and… nothing different. So there they were, making out like teenagers in a fancy restaurant booth and Lelouch was loving it. Loving the company he was in. Loving… no, it was too early for that. No way. He couldn't scare Gino off with crazy proclamations.

"Lelouch… stop thinking so much…"

"God Gino… you are… so right" Lelouch whispered against Ginos lips, making Gino visibly shiver. Lelouch leaned back in to kiss Gino, not being able to help smiling against the other boys lips. Lelouch just relaxed and enjoyed the kiss. And the other 6 they shared that night before Lelouch got home.

Suzaku didn't come to him that night. Lelouch didn't care.

* * *

PUSH… PUSHHHHH

"AHHhhhhHhhh"

Suzaku couldn't even comprehend. He was filled so high with emotions, at the four hands and four feet that were wiggling in front of him. Twins. A boy and a girl. Lucia and Ephrim. Suzaku didn't think it was possible to love anything more than he loved Lelouch or Euphy but he was wrong. He instantly fell in love with Lucia and Ephrim. It was strange though… as much as his love was infinitely eternal for both his kids, he just sort of gravitated towards Lucia and likewise. The little girl's bond with her father was clear from the second she was born. Not only was he the only one who could soothe her, but he was the only one who she even allowed to do so.

It made for him and Euphy's life a bit easier though, they divided and conquered. It did however, and very regrettably, leave little time for his prince. Suzaku had only spent one night with his prince in the days up to Euphys delivery. And on that night, Lelouch hadn't wanted to be intimate, opting rather to say a few words and sleep. Suzaku wasn't entirely disappointed, he was dead tired. He was thankful Lelouch didn't ask when he would meet his kids. All Lelouch had said was congratulations and he looked genuinely happy. It made Suzakus heart so happy. Lelouch was finally coming terms to this arrangement and, soon, he wouldn't have to lie about anything. Maybe he could even marry Euphy without guilt and convince Lelouch that it was just a piece of paper, good stability for his kids. One thing though that had never and would never change was how much he absolutely loved Lelouch and maybe he had to share his bed and self with Euphy once in a while but that didn't matter because it was Lelouch he would always come back to, Lelouch who had his heart. And when Suzaku had time, he would go back to reminding his prince of exactly how much, every time. But for now, he just wanted to focus on his children. Suzaku figured it would only take a couple weeks to get into the rhythm of it all.

His Lucia was four days old. Ephrim was always with Euphy and it seemed Lucia was always with Suzaku.

"I'm so happy, it seems like everything's almost finally in place" Euphy looked over at her knight.

"Yea, I agree. This is amazing. Perfect really."

"Well, almost perfect… I mean, we have our wedding, that's the only thing left in our lives"

"Yeah… I supposed you're right… maybe when it's a little less hectic, we can set a date"

"Oh, I've already set a date Suzaku… I hope you don't mind…"

"Huhn…? Uhm… uh… no… I mean, no, I guess not." Euphy could tell her husband-to-be needed a bit of coaxing and convincing. He probably felt left out that she had neglected to include him in this crucial wedding planning issue.

"Well… it's just that Suzaku. You're happy, I'm happy, Lelouch's happy"

"What do you mean Lelouch's happy…? He's still not entirely over the whole thin…"

"Oh Suzaku, that's not what I meant! I know how you are with that issue… I'm not getting involved with it, don't worry… I just meant how Lelouch's found someone, how he's in love" Suzaku's jaw fell to the floor. Oh God. This was the WORST time for this to be happening.

"W…who..told you?" It wasn't one of the thing's he really wanted to know but it was the only thing his stupid brain would allow out of his mouth.

"Oh, by your reaction, I suppose Lelouch hasn't told you, but Clovis told me"

"W…wait, what do you mean Lelouch hasn't told me…?" The Clovis part made somewhat sense to Suzaku. He was always concerned that the bastard might tell Euphy everything that was up. It wasn't his place though. But the first part of what Euphy said didn't make sense. What did she mean, how could Lelouch not tell Suzaku about Lelouch and Suzaku… whaaa…?

"Yeah, the whole Lord Alfred Darlton fiasco. I guess if Lelouch didn't tell you, then your relationship really is still on the rocks. Honestly, how rude of Lelouch to hold such a juvenile grudge still. I just hope it doesn't prevent him from RSVP-ing to our wedding" OH GOD. Euphy was talking about that idiot Alfred Darlton. Of course, Clovis had set up that stupid blind date. It was soo long ago though but maybe the grapevine was slower with its gossip. The explanation still made Suzak sigh out of relief. To think his fiancée thought that because Lelouch was happier or back here that he had fallen for that prick Alfred Darlton. HA.

"haha, yea Euphy… I really doubt that Darlton guy is Lelouch's type. I can almost guarantee it." Euphy looked at him and shook her head, half playfully and half saddened that her husband-to-be and his best friends relationship really was that strained.

"God Suzaku… you really ARE behind on the time! Catch up. Maybe it's because our pillow-talk has been suffering lately…! And I know how much you hate gossip. But these aren't really rumors anyways. I'm not talking about Alfred Darlton. I'm talking about his good friend Gino Wineberg. Lelouch has been seeing Gino for the last couple of months, maybe even longer and when I had lunch with Clovis today, he told me that young mister Lelouch is apparently pretty smitten, Clovis is retty sure he's fallen in love."

"Wa…wait, SUZAKU! Where are you going SUZAKUUU?" Suzaku ran. Words searing through his mind, through his body, through his heart. "Gino Wineberg, Lelouch, months, love… love… not rumors… love… not rumors… love" Then Suzaku fell to his knees. They gave out under him. They had never done that, his body failed him when he most needed it. It pissed him off to no extent. Propriety be damned, by the time Suzaku made it to Lelouch's room, he threw the door open, yelling the princes name, finding the empty room echoing his own panic and fear back at him. "N…no…NO he can't be… he couldn't… he's… LELOUCH?" Suzaku tore the room apart, as if it was even possible for Lelouch to be behind the night stand. Clovis must have mis-heard, this wasn't possible. Exactly, it was impossible. Suzaku immediately went to his pocket, only to find that in his rush, he forgot his phone. Shit. He picked up the antique land line phone in Lelouch's room and dialed his number.

*RING RING* Suzaku almost had a heart attack at the sound.

LELOUCH? He ran towards the sound, thinking to find his prince but only finding the sound resonating from the clothes hamper. Lelouch had forgotten his phone in his dirty laundry. Suzaku's heart was beating faster than he thought was humanly possible. He took Lelouch's phone and splashed some cold water on himself before sitting with the phone in his hand. He looked at the phone for a while, like it was a piece of alien technology that he didn't understand. And it was. How could such a tiny thing have so much power over Suzaku? Suzaku took a few deep breaths. He had to do this, it was necessary to stop the rumor mill. These were the type of rumors he couldn't handle, so he needed to take action. Still, Suzaku found his hand shaking so badly that he had to use his other shaking hand to try to try, pretty futilely stabilize the little electronic piece of machinery. 'That's all it is Suzaku… open it… open it you coward' for some reason, calling himself a coward felt right, for some reason, anger for himself was steadily creeping at this moment. He opened the inbox and fell off the bed at the sight. Gino's name appeared over and over… 'STOP you FUCKING IDIOT, He's probably just a FRIEND…' the anger at himself grew a bit more as he opened the most recent text

Message: Gino

"I love you too, baby. Good night. I wish you were in my arms but I guess I'll just settle for you in my dreams for tonight. I can't wait to ravage you tomorrow. Rawrrrr."

Suzaku threw up. All over the phone. Suzaku yelled, he cried, he ran… he ran out of the house, puke filled phone still clutched in his hand. He ran outside, ran and ran until his body racked by sobs, couldn't function on the infinitesimal amount of oxygen it was receiving. He collapsed. Ironically, in the gazebo where he got his first blow job. That was farthest from his mind though. Suzaku looked at the phone. That hate he was feeling earlier, it was peaking. Suzaku fucking hated himself at this moment in his life. If he didn't have a daughter who he felt obligated to, he probably would have killed himself. Instead, he did something even worse, he read more messages. It took several minutes to read one message through his blurry eyes.

Message: Gino

"mmm… Lelouch, last night was amazing. You're perfect, you know that? The most beautiful being to ever grace earth. And in my bed? With your legs wrapped around me? God"

Suzaku threw up again, missing the phone this time.

Message: Gino

"It's the biggest, absolute BIGGEST honor of my life and every life beyond this for me. Not only in our shared or separate beds Lelouch, not in front of everyone who knows or doesn't know us, not in front of God or Buddha or Allah, not in the deepest ocean or highest mountain or furthest recess of the universe, not in the past or future. But right now, wherever you are, whoever you are with, in the present, I want you to remember that I will always protect you as your knight. Remember that every second you live, every breath you take, thank you for bestowing that honor upon me."

Suzaku broke inside. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting Lelouch to ever find a knight. It was just he never expected his knight to replace his role Lelouch's life. Lelouch was his prince and although he wasn't officially his knight, he would still protect him. Oh god. Suzaku had never felt this level of grief or loss and rather than be consumed by it. He did something else. Suddenly, the anger that he felt for himself shifted. It shifted to someone else. It shifted to the person who took his everything from him, took his universe from him, right from under his nose. Luckily, he had his keys in his pants. He let his anger consume him. He didn't even remember ramming his car through the Wineberg's front gate, past yelling security guards. He didn't remember throwing the biggest rock he could find through the closest window he could find. He didn't really even remember yelling Gino's name throughout the house, didn't remember threatening a maid until she told him which room was Gino's. Didn't remember barging in to an already defensive-stanced Gino. Lelouch wasn't there, he must have left earlier.

"Hrm… I was waiting for this, not quite the entrance I was expecting though…"

Suzaku didn't answer him, he just lunged. They fought, broken ribs, broken bones, broken teeth, broken heart…

At some point, security had caught up and tazed Suzaku over and over until he passed out from a concussion, being tazed repeatedly, and later from the sedatives.

Suzaku woke up in his bed, five days later. He missed the knighting ceremony. He felt dead inside, the only time he felt something akin to emotion was when Euphy brought Lucia over to him before sitting down next to him.

"Suzaku…why… didn't you tell me?"

"Because I'm the worst person in the world." He said it as matter of factly as one of the laws of physics.

"Suzaku… do you… I mean, obviously with what you did but… I need to hear it from you…"

"Yes Euphy. I love Lelouch. I'm… head over mother flipping (bc his baby was there) heels with that boy. Euphy… I… I'm so sorry."

"Suzaku… is it maybe, a little possible that what you're feeling is just a phase or a crush that you realized when you heard about Lelouch moving on? I mean, I've never known you to be possessive but Lelouch is your best friend and…"

"No Euphy. I've been in love with Lelouch for years and… and…" he started crying again, "And I had his life too… I had his love, had his beautiful love, I had his face and his eyes and his body" Euphy very clearly stiffened her body at the last few words, visibly clenching her back.

"Y… you s..lept together?"

"I'm so sorry Euphy. I.. first slept with Lelouch when we were 16 and I never stopped… until" his sobs became more pronounced and Euphy had to take Lucia out of the room from his daughter's visible pain at her daddy's demeanor.

She took longer than was necessary to hand Lucia over to one of the nannys. In actuality, she had to go splash some water to clean the tears running down her face. She composed herself and came back out.

"Su..zaku… is it over now? Lelouch has dubbed Gino his knight and…" Suzaku took the pillow next to him and screamed into it, sobbing like a madman into it.

"Ohhh Suzaku… ho…how could you have loved him so much and… how is this… how are we in this situation?!" Euphy was clearly trying to fight exactly which emotion she wanted dominating her tone, currently it was sadness with a hint of anger.

"Because Euphy" he sobbed "I'm the stupidest person in the world… I … I had his love and… I threw it away"

"Do… you… blame me…?"

"Only myself"

"I'm sorry"

"Me too"

"What now?"

"I… can't stay here"

"You're… my knight… the father of my children… my husband"

"I'd be faking everything but being a father to Lucia and Ephrim"

"… … and… you've been faking thus far?"

"Not entirely, I loved… I do love you… I think more of a platonic love though… I'm sorry Euphy, but I'm not in love with you" Euphy suddenly found it hard to breathe. Suzaku let the pillow go and hugged her.

"Blame me Euphy. Hate me. Throw every ounce of fault and loathing on me. I hope you know that every compliment I paid you about your personality and who you are, even your beauty, was genuine."

"Everything but your proclamations of love"

"and loyalty and honesty"

"… ohh Suzaku… do you think that that could… would ever change? Maybe, you could come to love me like I love you?"

"I… can say with… certainty that I won't in this lifetime or the next, or any after that, love anyone as much as or in the same way as I love Lelouch"

"Oh Suzaku, just SHUT-UP already! There's NO WAY that could be TRUE! You wouldn't have done this if you really loved someone like that!"

"I'm the stupidest person in the world… but I'm done hiding it. From you, from anybody. I can't not say it. If you ask me, hell, even if you didn't… I… love him… so… much…" He sobbed the last two words into the pillow again. His body shaking from the pain.

"Well… if that's true and if Lelouch loved you back like you said, even with a fraction of what I'm witnessing now then… well Suzaku, you must have hurt him a lot" Euphy knew that she was purposefully prodding at Suzaku now. She wanted him to hurt. Hurt more. For doing this to her. And it worked, Suzaku bawled ever harder. It hurt Euphy, fuck, her plan wasn't working as well as she had hoped.

"S..suzaku… you will heal." God was she really trying to console her lying, cheating, asshole of a boyfri…ex-fiance?! But then again, he had been good to her, very very good to her. And if she was honest with herself, she wasn't blind to Lelouch and Suzaku's affection for each other. In fact, early on, before pursuing Suzaku herself, she had decided she would deny Lelouch's clear love for Suzaku because well, she wanted Suzaku and Suzaku was so sweet and cute and nice. But… god this was a mess.

"H…he's happy now Suzaku. Please don't ruin it." She said, partly to assuage her own guilt for stealing her brothers love, partly because she hoping Suzaku would eventually come to love her, and partly because it was just the right thing to do at this point.

Suzaku's mind raced.

"W..wait Euphy… what do you mean? I've been his love for over 10 years! Gino… god it's been 4 months! Why can't I…I can make him, I did, I can make him happy again" This caught Euphy's attention and as much as she hated trotting back into that room, she sucked it up and did.

"Suzaku… if he denies you. Which I am telling you right now, he will. Will you be able to handle it?" and with that, she left the room. And Suzaku let the words truly sink it. He didn't even think he could see Lelouch let alone with his new knight and lover with him. God, he felt sick again and wretched, dry heaving. He finally looked down and noted the bandages on him. He hadn't even noticed any of the physical pain. He picked up the chart next to him. He had 2 hairline cracked ribs. A barely chipped tooth, 3 broken toes, 1 broken finger, and various cuts and bruises, the biggest of which being his ear lobe where Gino had whispered something and then bit him.

"I'm his knight. For now and forever. Back the fuck off… or don't, he'll reject you anyways"

Suzaku hadn't realized the panic attack coming on but it hit him all at once. It took him a few minutes but he finally calmed down when a maid came in with Lucia to grab her blanket that Euphy forgot on his bed.

"Please leave her… I'll take care of her" the maid gave him a somber smile and handed him the baby.

Later that day, Suzaku packed all his stuff, was gifted a new car and dishonorably discharged himself as a knight. It was one of the worst disgraces one could achieve in Britannia. He packed Lucia into his car and left the Aries Villa Palace forever.

* * *

~19 and 19 years old

UKNOWN SENDER

"Yes, I do"

* * *

~20 and 20 years old

UNKNOWN SENDER

"Yes, I do"

* * *

~21 and 21 years old

UKNOWN SENDER

"Yes, I do"

* * *

~21 and 22 years old

"I do"

"And do you Gino Wineberg, take Lelouch Vi Britannia as your lawfully wedded husband, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do"

"If there are no objections, I now pronounce you husband and husband"

*CLAP CLAP CLAP*

* * *

~21 and 22 years old

"What do you think of Evangeline?"

"I don't know Lelouch, I don't think he'd want to be called Evangeline, he'd probably get made fun of a lot"

"hahah, sshut-up idiot, I can't believe I'm qualifying this but Evangeline for if it's a girl."

"mm…I love your laugh babe." *chuckle* "I actually adore the name Evangeline for a girl, we could call her Eve for short or Evan if she's a tom-boy or gay like her daddies, or angel or lily, God, I love it. I love you."

"I love Eve and Lilly too as nicknames… and I love you too" *huggles*

* * *

~22 and 22 years old

UNKNOWN SENDER

"Yes, I do"

* * *

~22 and 22 years old

PUSH PUSH

*WAAAAAA*

"It's a boy! Arthur it is!"

"Uhm… Sir Wineberg… that's the umbilical cord"

"Oh heh… I mean, It's a GIRL! Hello my little Angel!"

"Just wait until you meet your momma you beautiful lil girl, he's running a bit late due to the storm but ohhh, he'll just eat you up, lil Lilly!"

* * *

~23 and 23 years old

UNKONWN SENDER

"Yes, I do"

"Babe, are you still getting that weird card every year?!"

"… Yes…"

"What the hell is it about….!?"

"Like I told you before, I have no idea… I'm a prince, it's probably just some stupid fan-girl mail or something, god knows I get enough of that… so… let's all go out to eat! I'm dying for some Sushi, new place opened up a few blocks down" Lelouch didn't consciously recognize the connection his mind made with the letter and the food choice. Although, he knew he the letters were from, he didn't mention it to Gino. The letters arrived on the same day, every year. The day that Suzaku chose to be Euphy's knight. Lelouch kept every single letter. He threw the first one away, then he retrieved it from the trash and tucked it with the rest of the love letters Suzaku had written him. He knew what Suzaku had done and, it pained him, a lot. He didn't want that life for someone he loved so dearly. He had wanted Suzaku to be happy. That was why when he found out Euphy and Suzaku's marriage was going to happen, he happily neglected to confront Suzaku, leaving him to plan for it and finally get over Lelouch and on with his life and family with Euphemia. Lelouch was even considering going to the wedding… ok, maybe not even a little. But… he certainly wasn't expecting Suzaku to exact the highest disgrace in the land and abandon his old life.

"Are you ready babe?"

"Yeah, just getting Eve's car seat ready"

"Lelouch, I know your stamina sucks but… hehe"

"Uhm… huhn?"

"heehee, I said sucks butt hehe, like you know in be"

"OH MY GOD, SHUT-UP, could you BE ANY MORE VULGUR?!"

"haha, sorry sorry, I forgot, no dirty talk in front of Lilly…" *pouty face*

"finish your thought before your brain clicked into smut mode"

"mmm… smut mode, I like that… anyways, I was saying, let's walk, it's early enough! And it's such a nice day and Sushi's a light meal and…"

"Ok ok… let me just get her stroller"

*CHOMP CHOMP* *PAY BILL* *LEAVE*

"You know… it really IS beautiful out today, haven't seen colors like that in a sunset for a while"

"Hey… stop for a second" Gino tugged on Lelouch's elbow enough to get him to stop. They were walking along the sidewalk, adjacent to a park. Gino gingerly picked the stroller up and walked Lelouch a few feet into the grass, gently placing the stroller back down. Lelouch watched as a Sakura blossom fell on his daughters arm and she started giggling and playing with it. Then he finally took in the gorgeous shades of pink peppering the ground and blossoming on the tree above them.

"Wow..really is beautif..mmmphhh" Gino kissed him. Lelouch kissed back, accepting Gino's tongue and playfully darting his own against his husbands mouth. Lelouch dropped the bag of food he had, opting instead reach up into his husbands hair, slowly bringing his hand down, caressing Ginos cheek and finally resting on his chest.

Gino went to Lelouch's ear, gently nibbling it first before whispering

"Nowhere near as beautiful as you… I love you"

"mmm…" Lelouch arched up and kissed Gino again, briefer than the last, "I love you too" They both stared into each others eyes for a few seconds, felt much longer though. Then they both smiled and started back again.

"Mmm… that Sushi was surprisingly delicious and we can eat the lefto OH MY GOD, LOOK OUT!"

* * *

~23 and 23 years old

"Sir Gino Wineberg, tragically died protecting his husband and daughter when a drunk driver lost control on a turn and endangered the family. He acted with pure altruism and bravery as a loyal knight and loving husband, throwing his husband and child away to safety before he was hit himself, he did not suffer"

*Later that night*

Lelouch broke down crying. He had only ever cried like this once before.

"I'm cursed, my life is cursed. Oh Evangeline. Even you would probably be better without me… I'd probably bring you down with me"

He hugged his pillow. He had put Gino's sweatshirt over it. Smelling his husband as he drifted off to a restless sleep. He awoke and fed his daughter and cried with her. Probably for different reasons but maybe not. Then he cried without her, while she slept. Finally, as the third night approached, he opened his box of love letters, reading each one Gino had sent him, being careful not to smudge them with his tears. Then he dug deeper and read a few of Suzaku's love letters, and damn it to hell if he didn't miss his best friend and just want to be hugged by him at that moment.

* * *

~23 and 24 years old

"Can you say Sa..ku..ra baby?"

"A ku ku"

"So close, almost eve!" Lelouch missed Evangeline's other nickname that his late husband had taken a shine to… Lilly. Lelouch tried to use it as often as he could, but habit and preference really did make it so that he missed hearing it. Besides, now that they were living in Japan, Eve was easier for the locals to pronounce.

Lelouch had chosen to move to Japan a few months after Ginos untimely death. It was just too hard to stay in Pendragon or in Britannia at all really although he was planning on taking his daughter a few times a year to visit her daddies grave.

Lelouch tucked the package he had under his arm in the little compartment under his daughters strollers. He had just picked up new crystal glasses for their new little apartment. He was having a house warming party for his colleagues and a few various other people he had met. His new job was to teach the Advanced Placement History courses and a once a week evening English as a Second Language Course. He prided himself on how quickly he had picked the native language up when he went to Ashford for only a few months. Well, he was a polyglot, so it made sense. He was already attempting to teach his daughter French, English, and Japanese. Yes, she would at least those three. "Crazy overbearing and unnecessary" Gino would always playfully chastise him. Hrm… Lelouch was so caught up in his thought that he didn't even notice the pink soccer ball that had come to rest in front of his stroller. When he felt a bit of resistance on his stroller, it jolted him out of his reverie and he looked down and around. He saw a group of women not far from him with a few little girls running around them. He picked the soccer ball up and addressed them,

"Ahh… sumimasen… is this your futbol?" All the ladies shook their heads no, one of them however, gave a rather lewd wink towards Lelouch, darting her eyes from his hand down up to his face. He was wearing his wedding band on his right hand. He kept eye contact with her while he removed the band from his right hand and placed it back onto his left. She blushed at looked away.

"Ah sumimasen, kore wa watashi no desu" Lelouch spun around at the familiar voice and then his eyes widened.

"Le…Lelouch?" Lelouch watched those emerald eyes brighten up to a magnitude he had never seen before. Then, rather painful to Lelouch, those eyes that just conveyed such momentary affection switched to a deep sadness.

"Suzaku!" Lelouch whispered rather loudly. Lelouch wanted to hug his friend but… he didn't want to scare him. Especially when Suzaku was maintaining his own distance, with a little girl clinging to his side.

"Lucia…? She's… beautiful" Lelouch smiled at Suzaku a smile that he always reserved for the brunette, hoping he could rely on old sentiments to try to warm the chill between them.

"Yeah and… thank you… say thank you Lucia… a..ri..ga..tou?" The little girl peaked and then hid back.

"She's shy"

"Yeah, Nunally used to be like that"

"Yeah… I know… is that your baby?"

"Yeah… mine and Gin…ohs…"

"I… had read about it… I'm sorry, my sincerest condolences"

"… thank you…"

"Well… could I get the..?"

"Oh .. of ..of course" Lelouch handed over the soccer ball, closing their distance to a few feet from each other.

"Arigatou, well… it was good seein"

"Evangeline…"

"What?"

"Her name is Evangeline, my daughter"

"Oh… that's… very pretty… so, Lilly?"

"Oh wow, that's right, your favorite flower! I had completely forgotten"

"…"

"I mean, I didn't mean"

"N..No, you have every right to forget that and well, everything about me"

"Suzaku…"

"I should get go…"

"Am I going to get a letter this year?" Suzaku blushed and looked down.

"… yes"

"I look forward to it"

"… you shouldn't… I should stop"

"DON'T YOU DARE" Both boys took a step back from the surprise. Lelouch covered his mouth. Lucia made a little noise and Suzaku rubbed his hand in her hair.

"I… why would you say that Suzaku?"

"I… just… forget it Lelouch… you should go"  
"Suzaku… please?"

Sigh… Suzaku owed this man the biggest reparations in the history of history. So he could at least swallow what little was left of his pride and dignity, who cares anyways.

"Every year… I… struggle with sending it but I end up doing it, as a reminder to myself. A reminder of what a terrible person I am."

"That's why you send them? Oh Suzaku…" Lelouch all of a sudden saw each letter in a new light, each filled with regret and pain rather than love. Those weren't love letters. They were Suzaku's masochism manifesting in a nihilistic letter. Still, Lelouch loved them.

"I… love them"

"well you shouldn't"

"You don't really have a say over how I feel, do you?!" Lelouch instantly regretted saying that. Anything but that would have probably been better. This was turning counter-productive.

"You're right. But you don't have control over whether I send them, so… ha… forgive me… but I won't be"

"Suzaku… I forgive you" Suzaku's head jolted up from his paying respects to the floor. Lelouch saw genuine fear in them. Fear? He didn't want fear. God he had to salvage this.

"I forgive you if you don't send the letters and… for… everything else"

"St..stop Lelouch, please"

"Suzaku… have dinner with me"

"w..what? N..no, I don't think that's a good idea"

"Suzaku… have dinner with me" Lelouch took a step closer, Suzaku's gaze went back down. Lelouch tucked his cupped hand under Suzaku's chin and lifted the boys head up to look at him.

"Suzaku… have dinner with me"

"why…?"

"Because Suzaku, I miss you"

"Lelouch, I… I can't… I don't deserve to even be in your presence let alone you saying things like you forgive me and miss me and want to have dinner with me" Suzaku seemed shocked at the words spilling forth from his mouth.

"ha… we're so alike…" Suzaku's brows furrowed in confusion.

"When Gino died… and I realized that I had lost two loves of my life. I realized how cursed I really am"

"You never lost me Lelouch…" Suzaku winced at the phrase he had just unconsciously uttered.

"I…I…think I'm starting to realize that…" Lelouch took another step closer, slightly turning and pulling his daughters stroller closer to his side. Suzaku couldn't look Lelouch in the eye longer than a few seconds and his head had again returned to the ground.

"I just meant that… you're not cursed…"

"Neither are you"

"ha… the sirens of fate didn't need to intervene with me, I did cursed myself pretty fine on my own" Suzaku squeezed his eyes shut then opened them again when he felt that same hand guiding his head up again. So warm and soft. He just wanted to open the palm and. Oh… there it was. Lelouch's open hand was stroking Suzakus cheek. Suzaku looked up at Lelouch, who had leaned even closer.

"Suzaku… I forgive you and… you've atoned more than enough, at least for me and… let me prove it to you, please… have dinner with me?" and before Suzaku could answer, Lelouch kissed him. Suzakus mind froze. He was in shock as Lelouch opened and closed his mouth over Suzakus, placing kiss after kiss on his lips. Lelouch wasn't letting up. In fact, he was pressing up closer, wrapping one armaround his waist, the other rubbing the head of the little girl at his knee, her giggle finally made jolted Suzaku out of his trance and he with more force than he was planning, he grabbed a fistful of Lelouchs hair and opened his mouth, finally allowing the entrance Lelouch so desperately wanted while his other hand went under the hand that was teasing his daughter, around Lelouch's waist to pull him closer, he held Lelouch so tight that Lelouchs felt the inability of his chest to expand and compress properly. Lelouch let go the and stepped back a bit, forcing Suzaku to let go and causing another terrified look to embed itself on every feature. Lelouch saw it an immediately kissed Suzaku again, disengaging briefly to whisper

"Hey… I'm here… and… and… I'm not going anywhere, Suzaku. I found you and I don't want to lose you again" He briefly wondered if he was moving to fast for Suzaku. So he cautiously looked at Suzaku who was… crying.

"God… I don't deserve you, you wonderful, magnificent, amazing… god Lelouch, there aren't enough words in the world to describe how just perfect you are. You're perfect" Suzaku was sobbing into Lelouch's inviting and comforting arms. Lelouch was stroking Suzakus hair with one hand while continuing to soothe the now slightly panicky little girl who was starting to cry herself.

"Hey… hey.. Suzaku… hey, Lucia's getting upset and I am too, I hate when you cry, I want my happy" Lelouch moved closer to Suzakus ear to whisper "stupid idiot back" This unfortunately had the opposite desired effect in that Suzaku bawled even harder into Lelouch, pulling the violet-eyed boy even closer to him. Lucia started full blown crying.

Lelouch tried to comfort the girl as best as he could but her screams and crying were drowning out any attempt Lelouch was making.

"Daddy! DADDY what's wrong, daddyyy" After a few more seconds of bawling and jerking in Lelouchs arms, Suzaku let his vice-like grip of Lelouch go and he immediately took a knee to look at his daughter.

"Hey baby girl, daddies ok, daddies crying happy tears baby, happy tears, remember? Like when the knight came to save the prince in your favorite story?" and Suzaku looked up a Lelouch

"But in this case, it's the prince who came to save the knight…" then he hugged his daughter with one hand while Lelouch held onto Suzakus other, squeezing it tighter at the sight. He always knew Suzaku would be the absolute best father but seeing it just melted his heart. As soon as Lucia calmed down, she hobbled over to Eve's stroller, falling a couple times and needing to be picked up by her daddy and set on course again. Lucia held herself up, bracing herself with the stroller.

"Lucia?" Lelouch got her attention. He knelt down close to the girls

"Hmm?" She looked up with bright green eyes and Lelouch moved his head back in surprise.

"Wow such beautiful eyes Lucia. Just like your daddy" Lelouch looked at Suzaku who still had little streams flowing from his forest green eyes. He managed a trembling smile.

"Ariga..tou"

"ah hai hai, doitashimashite" Lelouch smiled at the little girl.

"Sore wa Evangeline or Eve"

"You call her Eve?" Suzaku asked.

"Eve or Lilly" Lelouch answered.

"Hrm… I like Lilly" and Lelouch couldn't help but smile the most genuine smile he could muster. And Suzaku couldn't help but fall to his knees from getting weak at the sight of that smile and the love in those eyes. Then he scooched forward and kissed Lelouch again.

"Ah… so rude of your daddy, ne, Lucia?" She giggled.

"bad daddy!" everyone laughed and both Lelouch and Suzaku tilted their heads at the sound and immediately both realized they were thinking the same thing. How much they missed each others laughs. It made them both laugh again and this time, rather than cut it out early out of surprise emotions, they let it die down naturally.

Suzaku stood up and held out a hand to help Lelouch up. As soon as Lelouch took it, the stronger brunette forcefully pulled the black haired boy into his arms and kissed him again.

"I'm… so sorry Lelouch" Suzaku finally said the words.

"Oh Suzaku… I know baby, I know." He wiped a few errant tears from Suzakus cheeks and eyes with his folded thumb. Suzaku caught the hand and kissed it, kneeling onto one knee and looking up at Lelouch.

"Yes, I do" and before Lelouch could say something he continued

"Even if you don't ask… even if you don't accept me, I will always protect you"

"Suzaku… that's not it…" Lelouch leaned down to be on equal ground with his best friend "I… already have my knight" He referred to Gino. Suzaku flashed a hurt look and averted his gaze to the ground. But Lelouch couldn't just ignore the impact and role he played in Lelouch's life. He was Lelouch's second love of his life, his partner, his co-parent, his husband and partner in crime.

"Suzaku… he didn't replace you, you know… but… he did complete me, just like you complete me" Suzaku looked up at Lelouch and nodded. He actually did understand. It was Suzaku's stupidity that drove Lelouch into Ginos arms but it was Ginos wonderful personality that kept Lelouch in his arms and that was a fact that Suzaku couldn't argue with. "I get it Lelouch… and I… don't want to replace him either"

"I knew you would understand Suzaku" Lelouch hugged Suzaku and Suzakus heart swelled at how much faith his best friend always had in him.

"So you didn't answer my question Suzaku…" Lelouch tugged on Suzakus shirt while tilting his head to the side like anticipatory puppy.

"Yes Lelouch… I will have dinner with you" Suzaku beamed a genuine smile at him. Lucia started crying again and Suzaku ran to her side to see what the problem was.

"Baby, baby, what's wrong? Did you get hurt? Where does it hurt? Tell daddy honey…!" After a few more sobs, Lucia finally stopped enough

"Daddy.. happy, happy cwy" Lelouch realized that this poor girl hadn't seen her daddy truly happy outside of probably smiling at her.

"Oh Suzaku…" Lelouch knelt down and wrapped his arms around Suzakus waist from behind him. Suzaku couldn't help the smile on his face again but this time, he tickled his daughter so she would laugh with him, not cry for him. Lelouch repeatedly kissed Suzakus jacketed shoulder and Suzaku happily leaned back into his embrace, then moved one hand from his daughter to reach back and gently brush Lelouchs bangs out of his face.

"You're beautiful" Lelouch blushed and Suzaku laughed. It was like they had reverted back to their close friendship yet it was so much better, richer, more mature. They both knew it would take time and work and effort to overcome everything they had gone through but that day…

Two lost boys found refuge in each other.

* * *

~FEW MIN LATER

"May we walk you home, Lelouch?"

"Yes, please and thank you Lucia, Suzaku" Lelouch grabbed onto Suzakus hand, feeling butterflies and tinglies in his stomach. It was like they were teenagers exploring each other again. By Suzaku's blush, Lelouch could tell Suzaku felt the same way.

"What's that you have under the stroller?"

"New Crystal Glasses" (Because rather than glue shattered pieces together over and over… better to just start a new).


End file.
